Greetings to all. I was diagnosed w/Bipolar disorder shortly after my mom's death in '92. Looking back on my life I believe I have been depressed all of my adulthood. I can now recognize symptoms in some family members as well. I have been on just about every med out there and have just been weened (sp?) from Zoloft/Wellbutrin to Effexor. Today, I took my 2nd dose and I am really a basket case (no pun intended). Yesterday, I felt positively, totally manic and spent approximately 1 1/2 hours listening to acid rock and dancing and carrying on like an idiot - this morning, I could hardly move. At this point I should confess, I'm a 58 year-old great-grandmother. I've been off work since July due to panic attacks and depression, severe enough that I find myself unable to get up and face the demons hanging out in my cubicle. I work for a county agency and have a very exacting job and if I made a mistake, a whole bunch of people get screwed! I'm the oldest in my department of very hip people, whom I like a lot and thought I had a great relationship with. My son-in-law, Doug, died in April of acute Acetaminephin toxicity (too much Vicodin over many years), and didn't receive so much as a sympathy card. I loved this man just as much as I do my own son and still can't believe he's dead. My daughter is now running his cabinet shop and caring for two teenaged sons.
My co-workers have all been angry with me for my absence rate because it puts a lot of pressure on all of them to have to step up and do my job. I realize this and have let them know how much I appreciate them. My boss is wonderful but I doubt that I can force myself to go back. Financially, if I return to work I have the means to keep us in an "okay" lifestyle. If I don't work, we're going to lose everything. My poor husband is trying to understand, but as you can see by what I've written, I have a bad habit of being flippant and he's very passive and has let me take the lead where I should've asked him to step up. He really doesn't understand what the world of bipolar is all about but is sticking with me. For that, he deserves a medal!!
Also, I have IBS, Migraines, arthritis in my shoulders (sitting all day at a computer kills me), and the beginnings of carpal tunnel syndrome. Okay, no m
