Hello to everyone, I am trying my best in getting better, I have stuck to a plan that should help. At my age of 15 I have now fallen victum to depending on an every day plan. Not one of my day's in life should be left not knowing what to do. I have made it my job to write in my planner everyday, and make everyday have an activity that I can do, and on the days where there are nothing gives me time to spend with the few friends that I have now. Every day I will focus my life in making it more better to understand. It is hard for me to change like this, to learn not to focus on my friends but on my ownself. I believe that I'm doing a good job, I'm getting more work done, and even if I worry about my friends I've learned where my first focus should be. I'm still getting the same pain every once in awhile, but I find ways to contain the pain, and ease it with finding an activity or something productive and just doing it. I've helped myself a bit by planning out everyday, and getting things done even when I feel like dirt... I suppose I've changed my attitude, and even with the two weeks of not seeing my boyfriend, he has agreed to that. My changed attitude helped me stand up to my so-called-friends, I'm more stricter with them, I got all of my stuff back, made rules to my terms, toss them their junk, and now I don't have the burden of my friends mooching off me anymore. Of course this does not mean that I have overcome my depression, no, even if I'm on the right path, so I believe, I will be under this depression for a long time. It comes with me, with my family, and anywhere that I go it will follow, but as long as it's following at least I still have a head start. Right? I could never just throw away my depression, it is what forces me to relize where I went wrong. So for me, I guess my depression isn't such a bad thing, the only time I need to worry is when I start forming horrifying thoughts. Then I will get some help... I believe I've found a new path... so pray good luck to me, and anyone with the same problems... Dying_Dying_DEAD Ps. This is a start to a different path, maybe my tactics can help some people, like the people who tried to help me...

Liz, Welcome to the Depression Center and thank you for sharing your story. Please feel free to roam the site at your own pace. If you look to the left of the screen under "PROGRAM TOOLS" you'll find our Depression Test and Depression Program. The Depression test can be printed and copied to your doctor. This may help better assess the situation. Use our program slowly and note that it has helped many of members as well. Please let us know how we can help and don't forget to post often. The individuals within the site are supportive and knowledgeable. Keep Strong, Josie ____________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team.

Hi, I am new to this site. Just started, but this is a topic of discussion on feelings I am all too familiar with and am actually dealing with at this very moment. I have wanted to fix these feelings now on some small level for years. My boyfriend has been begging me to seek help for almost 2 years, and I've finally reached that breaking point of reaching out for help from someone other than him. I have a very difficult time when my BF chooses to spend his free time with people other than me on his days off. It hurts my feelings alot. Knowing that he needs time away from my "stuff" makes me feel unwanted and like his co-workers and friends are more important than me. It has, at times, sent me into jealous rages, which of course only sends him away to his friends even quicker. I need to learn how to control this anger. I know where it was initiated, and I need help to let that old relationship go so that all those feelings don't carry over into this one. Trust and letting go are foreign concepts to me. I'm sick of feeling like my neediness pushes others away. I'm sick of feeling guilty for asking my boyfriend for more time together and having these feelings when he chooses to take a break from me, instead.

Me again. Not in the best place to offer advice these days but didn't want you to think you were alone. Me, I've had to realize that most people do not have the slightest clue of what I go through, the pain I'm in. Realized that the only way they could understand is if they felt it themselves. Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Don't think they mean to hurt us. don't think they want to let us down. they just don't get it. they just don't know what to do. even when you tell them what you need, they just don't seem to be able to give it. sometimes I use my pain to understand what someone else is going through. Met a girl my son's age who was suffering anquish over a choice she was forced to make. reached out to her, took her in my arms. helped her, helped me. not exactly enough but it gave a purpose to my suffering. i can understand when someone else is suffering. could most people live with daily despair? don't know. does that mean we are stronger than most people? doesn't feel that way but maybe that's the truth of it.

Hey D_D_D I know this is not something you want to hear right now, but I think it important to say as I have gone throught the same feelings recently...Please do not take this as speaking down to you as this is not my intention. I was fortunate to actually have a heart to heart with my friends regarding this and their input has helped me...help them...help me. YOU are the only person who can really help, care about etc YOU. There are and going to be people in your life who cannot deal with your depression. This is an unfortunate fact...even one's going through it themselves. I have very few friends...I thought I was closer than we are; that is until I started understanding some things better. You have people in your life who can give you a leg up when they are able to. This doesn't mean that they are able to be your permanent crutch. You are pained by your friends abandoning you...going out, leaving you home knowing what you are going through. You cannot hate them for this. As with any crisis, regardless of how miniscule, there has to be some down time for them and we (the depressed) have no real right determining when and how this is to be. Just as you need the help of your friends at times, your friends need time to help themselves as well. Be understanding of their needs. If they are going out and you think you are being abandoned...ask if you can tag along. Attempt forcing yourself to motivate a change (believe me- I know how difficult this is as I am NOT always able to do this myself), but if you show no real attempt of helping yourself...how is anyone able to know just what they can do to help you? I agree with something you had written... "The best way a person can help a person is to give them a hug... A kiss means I love you, but A hug means I care. All I truly wish is some understanding and comfort, even if it will not help me reach any happiness... " [u]Text[/u][i]Text[/i] Find comfort knowing that with each response you give and get on this site you are getting a hug...some comfort...some understanding. These are difficult times you are facing and I wish as well as with my own issues, that I could help you find the peace you need. Just please, keep the knife away from you...try emotional bleeding over the

The best way a person can help a person is to give them a hug... A kiss means I love you, but A hug means I care. All I truly wish is some understanding and comfort, even if it will not help me reach any happiness... My pain, and hurt would be emotional, that slowly tends to become physical to me... The thing that annoys me the most about life is how everything can't be cleared without pain, how people just love not living up to there desire when it's right there but their to LAzy, and how I work so hard for my age and still don't get any respect, just dishonor. I am stuck in a life that wont seem to be able to ever have fun or allow fun and happiness come to me. They are the people who are around me, who just doesn't seem to understand my anguish and pain. I am hated by the ones who I love for not being able to help them... I can't help anyone like this... My fun is always tooken away from me, my opportunity, everything. I work so hard and find that even with that I am unable to have fun, to reach happiness. So I toss my happiness and hand it to the ones I love only to feel torn to shreads when they don't help me when they see I'm crying, when I'm depressed, They just take it and leave... That is what "crushed in a persons hand" means... Thank you kendy, for hearing me... And gr8fl if this info help you to understand my type of pain, here you go...

Could you clarify a few things about your situation so that we might be able to help you better? First-what kind of pain are talking about? emotional? physical? What is annoying you about life? Where exactly are you stuck? Why? Who is [i]they?[/i] Why do you think you're hated? What is being taken away from you - fun? why? What do you mean by "crushed in a persons hand?" Please give us some more insight.

That's the question isn't it. For me it's because nothing is ever enough. It's like there's a barrier around me that keeps me from seeing, hearing, or feeling the good things. It only lets in the bad things. People tell me they care about me but I can't feel it. They tell me I'm a good person but I can't believe them. They tell me they want me to be happy, the one thing I can't seem to give them or myself. Sometimes I wonder if there's enough support and love in the entire world to fill up this hole inside of me. But I do what I'm supposed to do. I got to therapy. I take my meds. I keep praying that if I act the way I'm supposed to act then maybe someday I will feel the way I'm supposed to feel. But sometimes that just makes me feel more alone because I'm always hiding, pretending. Fake it till you make it? I say "fake it" and you're nothing but a fake. I'm sorry for your anguish. I hate this disease. It's like a giant anchor constantly pulling us down, keeping us from moving forward. I wish I had some solace for you. The only thing I can offer is that depression warps your thinking, distorts the truth. It's insidious. It wants to keep us in the dark. My doctor says I can't let it win, that I am smarter and stronger than my illness. Sometimes I'm not so sure. I just wanted you to know that I heard you.

I feeling like bleeding, my pain is so bad!!! PArty-night and not going, party-time and life is so annoying! It doesn't help that everyone else gets to go out and have fun and show off they're outfits, when I'm stuck here, stuck to suffer! And above all my friends know I'm depressed, they know I'm pissed, and sad... And yet they leave me... THey show their care by leaving! why am I so hated? Why am I to suffer 24/7? I work and work and never have any fun, and on the day that I can it is tooken from me, crushed in a persons hand! Why can't I be free? Why can't I be happy? Why I am I thrown away to be dead...? Why?