Hello. My name is Martha, and I'm not quite sure how this site works yet so please forgive any dumb or redundant questions. First of all, I can't figure out what CBT means. Did I miss a definition somewhere? In any case, I'm just glad I found a forum where I can come to perhaps read about and talk to other depression sufferers.
I've been suffering from depression for approximately 6 years now. It all started with a slow but steady waning of my sex drive. Then, shortly thereafter, I became pregnant and during my second trimester I suddenly became extremely depressed. It eventually got a little better, but after I had my daughter in February 2001, I never completely recovered. A vicious cycle occured that I can't seem to get out of. I gained a lot of weight, my self-esteem took a nose dive, my sex drive got even worse (it's basically non-existent now), and the more I stressed over it, the worse I felt. Rinse. Repeat.
I've read books. I've done therapy. I've tried meds. I've got to many different doctors. It never seems to really get better, only just about manageable at best. What I really want is to feel normal and happy again. I've begun to lose hope that it'll ever happen, and that too makes me feel worthless and hopeless.
My daughter is now 5 years old. My husband is ready to walk out the door. If it weren't for my daughter, he would have left a long time ago. We have been having problems since my sex drive went away, but over time it's become worse. He is basically sick and tired, angry and resentful of having a constantly sad, tired, unmotivated, socially phobic, non-sexual wife. He knows it's a medical condition, but still FEELS as though this is something that I somehow can "fix" if I just try hard enough. Of all the people in my life whose support and love I really want and need, it's his....but I don't get it.
I'm at the end of my rope. I'm not suicidal or anything like that, just thinking that maybe he'd be better off without me. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. We're in therapy, and for a while it was getting better. Lately though, it's been getting worse again. I feel so badly for my poor husband. It's not fair that he's had to be put through this, but I also know it's not my fault either.
Sorry to vent. I've had one of th
