you got it MsPuck. i am naturally a very positive and energetic person who shares a lot. have you started the Depression Program? i found the session 1 materials very interesting. they present several theories of causes of depression. in the Evolution and Biology theory depression is what happens when the Involuntary Defeat Strategy gets turned on and doesnt get turned off again. the IDS is defined as a hard-wired biological response that triggers when when we realize that we are in a competition that we can not win. the IDS automatically signals that we are ready to concede defeat. this is where i think the brain chemisty enters in.
my most recent IDS trigger was on sept 19 when i discovered that my wallet and my identity had been stolen. i seriously wanted to kick someone's @ss. but i couldn't. i filed police reports and flagged my credit history and negotiated with banks and merchants to remove fruadulent charges, but i couldn't stop those people from stealing hundreds of dollars in my name. even though i could protect myself, i could not fight back against the people who had hurt me, so i had to concede defeat.
this was the latest in a serious of painful defeats. boyfriend dumped me (good ridance now, but then....); coworkers backstabbing me, sexually harrassing me and creating a hostile work environment but i couldnt fight back because it was just on a temporary assignment and was expected to suck it up until i could move on; and made-an-example-of in a ridiculus show on management's power where my own union advised me that i was better off not fighting.
it is interesting, i thought i was doing a good job accepting defeat when it was in my best interest. i had had problems through out my life with my stubborn nature and rebel nature and had been through some really rough times. but, it turns out there can be a price to pay in accepting defeat. depression.
