Rayne,
Welcome to the site! I understand how you feel about not wanting to be on meds, but we have to remember that it is just like someone who has diabetes and needs medication to keep their blood sugar at an appropriate level. When I had my culminating "episode" about 8 years ago, I was hospitalized, very sick and passively suicidal. If I have to take medication to keep from going back to that place I will! I don't ever want to feel like that again. I'm willing to make that concession to keep from being curled up in my bed in the fetal position, not eating, and not caring about anything! It is scary to take medication and not know how long you will have to take it, maybe forever. But with constant medical supervision, as I said before, it isn't any different than someone that has to take blood pressure medicince or insulin. If you want to talk, we're all here for you.
Kelly
