Hi, I'm new to online support. I live alone, I really don't have too many friends (maybe 3?, only 1 I can count on), I live in an isolated way. Depression has been a major part of my life for at least 10 years. I've been on almost every medication you can name. I've been institutionalized. I've had countless downward spirals and I've made numerous comebacks. I feel like I am a living irony. The holidays came and went, I didn't have family to spend them with, my intimate relationship with the woman I loved more than anything in the world ended or should I say transformed to friendship during this time. Another irony, this woman is my best friend and has bailed me out of deep emotional nightmares several times. Today I wound up having an extreme anxiety attack, near nervous breakdown, went to an emergency room, set up more appointments with psychologists and psychaitrists. And I repeat the process of regaining myself again. I feel sometimes I can be manic, sometimes deeply dark, anxious, countless other physical and emotional symptoms, but am still hopeful that someday my life will be as I want it to be. I know I need to fix myself, again, and if my experiences written here help anyone, it's certainly not wasted typing.
