Hey DSS, No problem. Seems that we all seem to drop in and out of here at different times. I too have had problems (with my carrier instead of my computer) but things are up and running again. I hope things are going well in your world. Take care of yourself. :)

Hey Rayne and wishing well...my computer crashed and it took until friday to get it fixed...can you imagine the frustration of not being able to come here for support????? It drove me insane.... I will write again later, I just didn't want you to think that I have forgotten about you. Things here have been (as usual, it seems) a little crazy!

Hi Desperately seeking solace & Rayne, There is so much caring from everyone, thanks for your support. I went to sleep at 7 pm yesterday as I felt so exhausted. Hope to stay up a little later tonight. It is good to hear from other people's point of view as mine is warped right now. I am starting to wonder who is really happy with their life and who they have become. There are so many of us dealing with stress, depression, anger, and self doubt that it amazes me how many more people probably feel the same way and just don't realize it is not their fault or have gotten any help or support. So I should feel lucky to have support from everyone here.

Hello Desperately seeking solace and Wishingwell, It is nice to meet both of you as well. I agree that this is a great place to "let it all hang out" without feeling the fear of retaliation. It's awful when you try to talk to someone about some of the things that bother you in life and they trivialize it or tell you that you don't really feel the way you say you do. It drives me nuts. ;p If either of you ever want to chat I do have the CBT buddies so feel free to message me anytime. Hope you're both doing well.

Hi Wishingwell and Rayne, Thanks for the posts and words of comfort. the little things do sometimes get the bet of me...especially if I have no control over the outcome. I know that I am (at times) hyper-sensative and over think what I feel others are feeling...my issue...I think I just think of how I would feel if the tables wee turned...anyway...I am so glad that this site is available and that so many different people post. Having more than one or two perspectives makes getting through the difficult times a little easier...and at times, with a bit of color. I am deeply humbled..

Hi Despartelyseekingsolace & Rayne, I don't think your message is too long, I enjoy reading all messages whether long or short. It is a good way to express how you are feeling without fear of being ridiculed or someone not being very interested in what you have to say. I think we all need unconditional support and you have it here on this website. So continue writing how you feel because I know that it will inspire others to share their intimate thoughts that they cannot feel comfortable sharing with family or even friends. No matter is too trivial to write about if it is important to you then it is important period. Nice to meet you Rayne, I live in Florida and I am getting to meet so many nice people who live elsewhere. I am currently still married for 10 years and I work full time and have one son who is 8 years old. I love animals of all kinds and feel the most peaceful near the beach or anywhere in nature by myself where I can think and not hear any noise or criticism. I have never used CBT Buddies yet, but I would like to be able to converse with someone who is interested. Thanks for sharing all of you and helping me make it through just one more day without falling apart. I am very confused right now so I hope everyone understands if I am not able to say the right things for everyone.

Someone said something to me the other day which really made sense to me. I too am the giving type and find it very hard to recieve. She said it should be "It's as good to give as recieve. instead of, it's better to give than recieve". Just as it makes you happy to do something that pleases someone else, These are people that care about you and want to give you something nice. Don't feel bad for what you did, you didn't do anything wrong. You just have to get used to recieving. I guess if it was me I wouldn't say anything more and just act surprised when it happens. Hey, you never know they may still surprise you yet. Get used to recieving, you are worth it even if you don't realize it yet. I hope this has helped a little and that you feel better soon. take care

This might be a long one...if you read this you might be here a while...here it goes... I have lived my life as the forgotten one...the one no one ever had to worry about. "No need to show a little extra attention...he is fine." My whole life, stepping aside so the limelight was always filled by my younger sisters...not that anything I could do would change this...in my mother's eye..they and what they were doing was most important. Birthdays, holidays, graduations etc. The girls were always having a fuss made over them. With each occasion I would force myself deeper and deeper into my own little world as to not feel the pain and rejection for these events were not shown to be as important in my parents eye when it came to me. Birthdays seemed more like a chore when it was my own. I guess this is one of the reasons I had been a "loner" for much of my life. How sick is this...My feeling so unworthy of anyone wanting to show any kind of appreciation or celebratory function for me I found utterly uncomfortable and would quickly change things to put the others in the limelight. An example... One year for my "birthday", a few friends of mine wanted to take me out to dinner. I felt so wierd by this that I got to the restaurant early and told the hostess that my friend was celebrating her birthday and I was paying for everyone's dinner. I told her that there would be an argument as to who was paying so to eliminate this I wanted to secretly get and pay the bill. This got so out of hand that when my friends came in I pointed (from behind) to one of my friends to signal to the hostess whose birthday it "was". The hostess went so far as to send out a slice of cake with a candle and the waitress singing happy birthday to my friend. When it was realized that the waitress was singing to her things got a little crazy...so I excused myself to go to the restroom, paid the bill (giving what I think to this day to be the most generous tip I have ever given) out of view of the friends and when I returned...had a good laugh to myself as they were doing everything in their power (with the exception of calling across the room) to get the check from the waitress, every time ending in her ignoring them. After 10 minutes of watching this I got up and put on