Hi Gabbi,
Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you, but you wouldn't believe it if I told you. I was so angry with myself that I didn't know if I wanted to scream or laugh. I have actually responded back to both you and Rayne over two times, but since I use the computer late at night, I do so without the overhead light on. Well I am just about done with this long reply to both of you and wouldn't you know I am about to hit the send message button and instead I hit some other key and everything disappeared. Not just once, but two or three times. You would think after the first time I would have learned. Oh well thought you both would like a good laugh at my expense.
Now first of all you don't have to appologize for I know how it feels to be a yo yo with your emotions and how each day can bring on a new set of challenges. I am sorry to hear your depression is back again, but I am glad you have a husband who is supporting you and not critical or demanding more than you can do. Do you know why you feel numb towards him and have a hard time loving him like you did before? Where do you think your anger comes from or do you know? I finally realized that after living in a relationship that is emotionally abusive at times and lacks human contact, showing any real kind of affection on a daily basis is difficult for him. It makes me feel so lonely, sad and unloved. My anger I believe is just years of putting up with the emotional abuse, hurt, loneliness, and intimacy that married couples should enjoy. I too pretend to the world that my life is complete, my marriage is perfectly great, my job is wonderful and life is the best, when I feel like I am dying inside. I am not working right now, but might go back in a few weeks after my next appt, I am not sure. But I don't want to tell my co-workers if I do decide to go back, I don't really trust anyone at work. There's too much gossip there. I like being home and I don't get bored at all. Before I used to be an inside person rarely going outside, but now I have started to do things outside in the yard and I like it. It seems to help with the depression and improve my mood. I want to thank you again Gabbi and I am crossing my fingers that I can send this message this time before I erase it all.