Hello Stephen, I too am sorry to hear you're having such a bad time. Do seek help though....please. I know things look bleak now but you should also know that being in a depressive state, your thoughts are not clear. I know that for myself once I finally found the right meds and started working on my self-esteem and other issues things started to turn around. You have to try. You say yourself that you have what most would perceive to be a happy life, so it is probably there you just have to find a way to acknowledge it. And please don't think I am harping but you are so young and you have so much in life to look forward to. Honestly, there is so much ahead of you to enjoy and experience. You will have a relationship, you will succeed at things, (remember we all have gifts), you have an opportunity to mold your life to what you want it to be. This in itself is a gift. Please try to look at your life and see the good things. Your post has touched me very deeply and I hope that you will take some of what I've said to heart. If you ever need to talk please add me to your CBT list.