I'm so sorry anyone has to endure that, when my ex started drinking again, I didn't say anything, and within months things were back where they had been, I'd only say somehting after an argument, and we all know, not much gets accomplished. But it seems like you are making changes for yourself, and thats really important. there must be some way for you to change your password to something totally arbitrary, or change your screen name to something arbitrary as well. Sure he couls browse, but there are a number of people from all over the world that do, so possibly he wouldn't be able to access the site in the same way. Maybe one of the support team has more information about how you could do that. Stay strong, sounds as if you are already on the path for change.

Dear desperate, Sounds like a very difficult situation to be in! It is understandable that you feel violated. Please feel free to still take advantage of the site. The great thing about this site is it is anonymous - you can easily change your user name here. Please contact us via the feedback link if you need assistance. Casey _________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

How is this for a kicker...Somehow my partner went on to this site, figured out what my "screen name" was and read my entries about him. He intentionally left his visiting this site in the history instead of deleting it...so I would find it. How violated I feel and he couldn't even ask me about it. He left me a message to call him at work and when I did...nothing. I think he was waiting for me to bring it up. unfortunately, I didn't know about it until after talking to him. Now what...I know I cannot even post here anymore after this fearing his reading everything...or at least NOT being able to be honest about anything...NOW WHAT! I really don't know how much more I can take....... Someone please help me

Thanks Kelly...I appreciate the post and the prayers. I have asked him to go with me to therapy and he declined stating that he didn't need therapy...that he just needs to stop drinking. This is the confusing part for me...last night, we went to dinner with a friend...and yes, he asks me if I minded if he had a drink. Annoyed, I said," do what you want." Of course one led to three...I was so angry and hurt by this. He passed out on the couch when we got home and I left him there and went to bed. I know it is wrong to think that he should stop drinking for me...that if he loved me he would stop, but at times that is how I feel. Now what to do...Part of me wants to pack things up and leave, yet another part wants to stay and try to work on this. I don't know...it is the first time he drank since telling me he had to stop(or so I thought until I found an open 3/4 empty bottle of wine hidden in the china closet. He just found out that his aunt has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer...I know he is upset, but how much slack should be given here? This is the first time I am going through a "recovering" alcoholic's process and I don't know how I should react to this...Sometimes I wish I could just stay in my room and cry, but unfortunately the meds I am on keep me from this. I haven't been able to cry in 3 months... Sorry for the novella, I just am so confused and hurt (again) right now...I have to leave for work in 40 minutes and I am having trouble getting together to go. Boy, does this post read to me as "whine, whine whine" I hate this. How does someone dealing with this stop feeling hurt when the drinking starts again? I know it has nothing to do with me, but I am the one who feels the deceit, pain, anger and sadness. I wonder if it really is all worth it or worth anything at all...

Seeking, I'm so sorry things are going poorly right now. You are right though, you don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm glad you decided not to do anything rash. As hard as it is to believe when you are right in the middle of a relationship, but no one is worth that. You have the right to be angry, and don't let anyone tell you differently. It sounds like he isn't very good at dealing with relational things. Have you talked to him about joining you in therapy? Maybe he would learn how to talk to you and work things out instead of avoiding the issues. I don't know if I've helped at all, just wanted to let you know I read your post and feel for you. I'll be praying for you. Keep me posted. Kelly

Thanks, Casey. I appreciate the information and support. I am greatful for this site. I don't think I could put into words the depth of my gratitude.

Hi dss, Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time right now. You mentioned alcohol in your post. I just wanted to let you know, if you or your partner are interested in more information on this subject, we have a free, very informative, sister site located at [url=http://alcoholhelpcenter.net]www.alcoholhelpcenter.net[/url] Casey ___________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

Had the most upsetting couple of weeks. I came home from work and found the classifieds and a piece of paper with numbers written on it. At first I thought it was my partner looking at the auctions, but then found that my partner was on a date line and the numbers were mailbox numbers. This hurt and angered me to no end. All I could do was leave...I went to the bookstore, turned off my cell phone and looked at books for about 2 hours. When I returned home I found that the classifieds were gone. The paper with the mailbox numbers were gone as well. When I asked what that was about I was told that "I drank too much and I did something stupid...I seem to do stupid things when I drink." That was it... I said nothing for about 3 days, then I got a call at work asking if I were mad or something...if it was from this incident or something else (which totally threw me). I said that I couldn't believe that this question was even being asked and then said how hurt and angry I was. I couldn't talk any more about it at work. When my partner came home, I got the , "I know I hurt you...I know you are angry...I am sorry.." That was it. Again, I was infuriated. The next day was my day to do the talking. I asked all of the questions asking for ni interruptions until I was finished. After giving my concerns and the fact that the day after it happened, I was so upset that I stopped on an overpass and got out of my car...walked to the edge and stood there for 10 minutes or so thinking what to do...I was scared and then angry. I realized that noone should ever make me feel like I don't deserve to live. I got back in the car and went to work. I was told that my partner thinks alcoholism has something to do with this as this is the 3rd time (that I know if) that I had found evidence of foul play (as it were). I was told that my partner was trying to work through this...ending the drinking... The issue... I love this person, even though I have been hurt in the past. I know that drinking has affected things...I just don't know what to do as when asked...I was told nothing. I feel really vulnerable right now...it is taking a lot to keep my head straight...The only thing that I feel is keeping me going is the comment that my partner really wants th