Im actually just a big mess.
See, Im also an alcoholic, which makes things even worse.
I guess sometimes, well, I want the worst.
Even last night, I called a suicide line, not that I really think I would, but I needed to talk.
I got disconnected because of my stupid cell phone.
It almost felt like a sign.
I cried till I fell asleep.
From 12 till 2 and woke again at 6.
I look awful and feel worse.
My ex is moving her things today.
Im trying to avoid her by staying at work till shes out of my house.
The old adage, "Out of sight, out of mind.".
Who know's, Ive seemed to have tried everything.
Im so scared and lonely, and yes, I did take the test.
It took me a few to find my score, because I was so high, it was so high a number, it didn't list me.
I have SERIOUS depression.
Calling a counselor today.
Just sad today. I feel so ....just....well, empty.
Like Im waiting.
But, I am looking forward to tonite, where I've rented Apocolypse Now and have never seen it before.
Heard its a great movie.
Just sad Im all alone to watch it.
Thing that is getting to me now is:
Im not bad looking, but I maybe so ugly from the inside its sick.
Could really use chat friends on AOL or Yahoo IM.
Im also a good listener.
Thanks for allowing to me express.
