Hi! I think that a really good thing that you said is, "I want a better future". Hang on to that. That's exactly what has kept me going - I want a better future. Somewhere inside me I believe it's possible, for me and for you. There is a better future. That is your true spirit talking to you, saying "hey, I'm in here and we can do this". You have a hope inside you, that's what it means.
How to get there? I don't have the answers, it's all in the 'small' things, I think. You posted a message on here - that's a positive step in the right direction! Maybe that is your one step forward for this week, just to post on here. That's huge! You've reached out to your friends here - good for you! Maybe the week after that, you read one of the program sessions.. who knows. Just start with whatever you can.
Post again soon, let us know where you are at, okay?
Lydster