I'm 32 years old, have just lost my grandmother, who I was very close to.
It was like my heart being ripped out-- she was 89 with Alzheimer's, and I had just visited her several weeks before.
As soon as I got back to NYC, she suffered a massive stroke.
I got the first flight out and went down there to hold her hand.
My mother suffered extremely with the decision to take her off the ventilator.
All life had drained from her, but I sung to her, kissed her, held her hands, and stayed a sleepless night next to her.
The next morning she passed away after the doctors removed the ventillator.
In the last 6 months I have also dealt with the loss of my last boyfriend-- he left me after dating 5 months.
I truly had fallen deeply in love, and was very disappointed when he left. He said he had to do "his work, his art, needed to be alone, not be in a relationship; it really wasn't anything I did or said, I'm wonderful."
The other day I found out he's now in a relationship with someone new.
Now I'm doubly devastated, because for some reason I had clung to the hope he'd eventually come back to me.
I know now I was naive to think this, but my heart was telling me to not give up on someone who was good to me.
In 6 years time I've only had that one relationship-- him.
In previous years I've had hard breakups as well where I've been cheated on, or left.
I don't know how much hurt I can stand anymore.
My mother has now been diagnosed with kidney disease.
I have no father-- never had--he left the country when I was born to avoid child support, and so my grandparents took care of me and my mom.
My mother also is a sufferer of OCD Hoarding disorder-- and is debiliated by this.
I guess I just need someone to listen because I feel like there's not much left in my life that's good.
Thanks for listening.
