Hi LilahRose
I think it's very normal to be frustrated by events/situations that are out of our control. Whether or not we're controlled by them or whether or not we feel powerless and more depressed when faced with them is supposedly up to us. It's the Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviours cycle/spiral.
Even when people aren't struggling with depression, it's easy to get caught up or even obsessed by things we can't control or change. School had me in a terrible state. High school was okay, but university -- I felt completely trapped and powerless because I believed that I had to get a good degree in an area that would lead me into a good career and if I didn't then I would be doomed. I believed so strongly that I had no control that I kept my head down, worked my butt off, and developed an eating disorder because I became obsessed with the little piece of control I found in the bathroom scales.
Some things truly are outside of our control, like the weather, idiotic politicians, and other people's behaviour, and those things we somehow have to let go of worrying about. Sometimes we create our own powerlessness. Depression doesn't help -- it makes it more difficult, I think, for us to see the choices available to us. Or to act on those choices.
Take care
Confused
(I have to say, LilahRose, that I think you are an incredibly courageous person. Through all your misery and pain, you were able to decide what course of action was best for you and your children and then to carry out that achingly difficult decision. And here you are, working to get yourself better. I don't know if you have anyone around you who is pointing this out to you, so I thought I'd just let you know that I am in awe. I don't even know you, but I know that your children are very, very lucky to have you.)
