I am feeling pretty crappy, which is a general kind of thing. I am great at hiding it though. No one at work knows, I gave up talking to my husband (of 7 monthes) which doesn't bode well for the future.
After reading various posts, I don't know if I can do this. I think one part of me understands that the way I am, the dark moods, and the thoughts of death are not good. But another part of me doesn't want to change. This is who I am. Misery is a part of my life. Do I need to change it? Should I use medication to change my personality? Why would I want to talk about how low my opinion of my self is? I don't think that would make me any happier.
I don't know what to do. I almost feel like I don't care anymore and I should just buck up and deal b/c this is the way I am wired. Who is to say that being happy-go-lucky is any better then this. Call me a cynic or just plain crazy if you must, but I think I need someone to rationalize this whole approach for me.
