Hunter, I think you did the right thing by talking to the ex bf. You found out some things about your gf that lets you know that she has issues. Ending a relationship is always hard no matter if it is good or bad. Emoitons don't just go away in a split second, it takes time and in this world we all want the instant fix. It does not help when we are depressed because it just multiplies our feelings even more and they sometimes overcome us. It is hard to deal with anything, but it seems to help here where we can talk and express our feelings. We find others who know how we feel and can relate to our problems. We don't have to be so alone. I am hoping that this program will help us both come out of our depression and social fears. I wish you well.

Hunter, It takes time to move on. We encourage you to keep working through the program and keep the focus on yourself. Danielle ____________________ The DC Support Team

I think I finally ended all contact with my ex GF today, tried to work out the issues with her this morning after spending the night. Basically she told me that she would never trust me and based on that had no intentions of having an exclusive relationship with me. I went home got my trailer and removed the remainder of my stuff from her house and came home. My teen son is gone for the weekend and I am here alone feeling pretty blue. I went out for a drive around 5 and stopped at her previous ex boyfriends buisness, introduced myself and asked if he could spare a few minutes. after about 2 hours of conversation I learned a lot about her I was unaware of. She was an escort many years ago (had my suspicions), had police troubles after threatening another ex with a shotgun.. has had trust issues with most of her boyfriends so I'm not unique at least. Unfortunately I am still just as depressed although talking to her ex probably kept me from going over the edge! I keep trying to convince myself I am better off but it's not working. I know she isn't perfect, has issues like hacking into my cell phone account online and printing out my phone usage (this over a month after we separated) and I think she even called some of the numbers she didn't know. None of it matters to me, I am still so in love with her that I honestly don't think she could do anything that would be so bad that I couldn't get past it. Just can't figure out if I'm a sucker or she's a quitter?

Hunter, If you want to know how it is possible it may be helpful to look at what that person brought to your life. Maybe that is why you're so sad? Don't also forget to start working through the program. There, you'll learn valuable skills helpful to you in challenging negative thought patterns and core assumptions. Hope this helps. Keep us posted. Danielle _____________________ The DC Support Team

Hunter: I wanted to say welcome as well. It sounds like you've had a lot to go through recently, and confusing stuff at that. I had something similar in terms of what I thought was a wonderful, promising relationship becoming difficult and rejecting, and it's taken me a while to come to terms with someone wanting you and not wanting you at the same time. The cycle of drawing in and pushing away wreaks havoc on its victim, and yet it's so rewarding for the ego of the person doing the pushing and pulling that they have no reason to stop. One thing helped me - and I don't know your situation so I don't mean suggest you face the same thing, but in case you do, here it is. I realised that the romantic power in the relationship came from wanting to get a straight answer. I just wanted the respect of someone being straight with me, and it kept feeling like it was just about to happen, but I am trying to make myself accept that it never will (still working on that one). But I am pretty sure he's not this unbelievably fabulous person the likes of which I will never meet again. But he was the most ambivalent and at times the most hostile person I've ever dated, and somehow that created an attachment - for all the wrong reasons. I think this is becoming a long reply to a long intro so I will leave it there. I am truly sorry you're facing this situation because I know how wrenching it feels and I hope you can continue to pull through it. Ava

Thanks for the reply Danielle, I understand being sad is normal, I was sad after my marriage breakdown but never in all the relationships I have been in have I been dealt a blow like this! I am starting to believe what some people say about there being only one "perfect" match and true love in each of our lives and I just missed the boat. If one of my friends came to me in the past with this comment I would have done my best to convince them they were wrong. I am not a kid and have had my share of life experiences including relationships of varying intensity, dealt with some life altering experiences, suffered through years of undiagnosed depression/social anexiety disorder and nothing compares to this. I guess I am trying to understand how it is possible to feel this strongly about someone because I honestly didn't know it was possible until we broke up, and it was truly a short relationship. In addition I am very concerned that my depression will deepen, I really don't want to go back on long term meds yet I fear where I will end up if I don't. My doctor doesn't instill much confidence as he just seems indifferent to my concernes, I would like to find another but I live in a small community with a limited group of healthcare workers all who have a full client load and will not take on new patients. Consifdered the journal and even started one on my PC but I simply can't do it, I start typing and turn into a crying wreck and spend hours feeling sorry for myself. hunter

Hunter, Welcome to the Depression Center and thanks for sharing your story with us today. We encourage you to begin working through the program and reading through our online discussion. Both are great ressources of information that you may find helpful to you in your journey. With regards to your recent break up, it's quite common to be sad. You've lost someone who is important to you and have had your feelings hurt in the process. If venting helps you, you may also find it beneficial to start keeping a journal. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Danielle ____________________ The DC Support Team

Hi, I just found this site a few days ago and I am using the resources to try to beat back an ongoing issue of depression. A little history on me. I went through most of my life dealing with undiagnosed social anxiety disorder that progressed into depression by my 30's. I finally diagnosed my own depression based on info found on the Internet about 10 years ago and brought my findings to my family doctor who prescribed Paxil. I did quite well on the medication as far as depression goes but it also diminished the rest of my emotions leaving me somewhat numb. I continued the meds because while not perfect they did controll the depression. Jump forward to about 3 years ago months ago and I found myself single when my wife surprised me one morning by telling me shae had found a place to rent and was leaving the same day. The next year and a half were pretty crappy but I made it through with relatively few problems, this was a feat in itself since I am still somewht of a loner and my family is 4000 miles away. about 18 months ago I met the most wonderfull lady, we had so much in common. interests, ideas for what we wanted for the future, you name it we we just clicked. My life looked like it was making a major change for the better but the paxil was interfering with my sexual pleasure so I gradually weened myself off of it about a year ago. it looked like my problems were over as I was doing great with NO problems of any kind. Well between my ex doing her best to derail the relationship and some mistakes on my part my GF shut down in Feb and pretty much avoided my about 75% of the time even though we were basically living together. By March I was back living at my own place and she basically refues to speak to me until a few weeks ago. Suddenly we were talking and I was invited over for lunch and coffee a couple of times, met for lunch etc. From that I ended up spending the night a couple of times and while still not the same as we had things were improving. It has now been a week since I talked to her and the last call was short and curt. There was nothing that caused the sudden brush off that I am aware of but it has simply devistated me. My depression is back with a vengence. fortunately I have no suicidal thoughts or fear of causi