Mariner, Thank you for your point of view! I will try to remember to do the thing that seems to help me most - count at least three ways that I'm blessed and one good quality that I have. The last is REALLY hard sometimes. Having a good day (after a bad few) and wishing you well!

Mariner, Not at all. I feel like I know you better already. Hopefully, you'll be able to find some members who do understand you here and believe me, if you look through past discussion, you'll find that many people feel this way. Keep us posted on how you're doing and don't be shy if you have any questions or just need to vent. Danielle ____________________ The DC Support Team

Thnx for the welcome Danielle, unfortunately you got more tha a little about myself, you got the lot, hope didn't mind. Kera if this is any help, one thing that has helped me a little bit is that i have accepted that i have bad shoulder, a bad head and a good body. I saw a person with no legs and one arm one day who had a smile on their face and seemed to be getting by ok, then i realised that physically i wasn't that bad and it helped me come to grips with the original injury. As for the brain injury well just like you i have the anger issues and ppl dont understand that we have a valid reason to be agitated or upset, so now i just laugh derisively when ppl try to pin the "blame the depression" thing on me for something "inappropriate" that they think i have said or done and tell them to rememeber that it's a very very fine line that seperates me from them and they are one really bad crisis from being here as well. That usually shuts them up and makes them think a little bit. Other people can never truly understand our emotions or how we feel unless they have been here and had the distorted crazy thoughts that can pass through our minds at times. Never let people judge you or make you a scapegoat because of your behaviour, actions or illness. You are still a valued person with something to offer the world as am i, we just cant see it yet. Good luck girl and thank you for the welcome the only way to go is up. L

Hi Mariner. You're the first I've seen to step up and talk about "self medication". I wonder how many of us out there have done that? Just about every depressed person that I've talked to (about the whole situation) has tried to escape through drugs and/or alcohol. I too suffered an injury somewhere along the on-set of my (2nd ever) major bout of suffering. Panic attacks, anxiety, the black hole (I like your dog reference!) the uncontrollable sobbing, outbreaks of anger...fun, fun. You're right on with the sarcasm. Sure, I'll just "snap out" of it when I want to...but, gee, I LOVE the black hole of hell! I don't usually wish anything bad on anyone, but I do wish these types would get to feel it - just for a little. Maybe they'd understand. And it's not their g.d. sympathy I want. My mental state isn't my "excuse" for anything - I'm not a child. I tend to be forthright about my actions/words. But a little assistance from outside of my own fractured mind would be great. "Gee, hon, you're not reacting like you normally had. Here, let me explain to the doctor some of what I see." Oh god, no. Let's just *itch that things aren't right. Oh, let's use Kel and her condition as a scapegoat for our own poor behavior (sometimes, I really have a valid reason to be sad or *issed-off). Thank you for the opportunity to vent... welcome aboard.

Mariner, Welcome to the Depression Center and thanks for telling us a little bit about yourself. We encourage you to keep working through the CBT program and taking advantage of our forums. Read through our forums, the experiences of others may be of help to you in your journey. Keep us posted on how you're doing and don't be afraid to ask questions. Danielle _____________________ The DC Support Team

Well greetings all from my lovely fluffy xanax & seroquel cloud...My story is a simple one, I am 38 years old and sustained a shoulder injury at work in Jan 2006, this has required surgial intervention in Aug 06 which unfortunately has not worked. Since then my life has been a spiral into the black abyss on the back of the black dog with a bottle of Jameson along for the ride. I have been treated with Zoloft (this turned me into a 90yr old man with parkinsons symptoms, couldn't eat & couldn't function) Then next came Avanza along with valuim and throw in the sleepers for good measure, I could literelly eat sugar out of the packet with a spoon. I was so depressed and things had got so bad that i put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger but the round didn't fire and i fainted, so it was 2 months in hospital and ECT, now i am depressed and have a massive hole in my mind and i cannot do simple mathematics, ask me to write and i can do that fine, but cant add,subtract manage money or remember simple things without the help of a voice recorder or post it notes. So anyways welcome to my cocktail of MDD and ever changing meds. My Pdoc has decided that my memory probs are coming from A)my meds b) the depression & c) the anasthesia that i had for my ECT , not the ECT itself. So here below is my cocktail that he has me on. Effexor XR 375mg - i think my libido, my appetite and my emotions (damn my head hurts!!!), went that way ------> Seroquel 300mg - problem? hell no i feel peachy !!! - anyone for the last 2 choc ices ?? Xanax 10mg PRN - like when i get a panic attack on a bus and someone calls the cops , why am i drooling ?? ReVia ( i used to like alcohol as a self treatment , no wonder the pain killers no longer work ) Nexium 40mg -heartburn ? what's heartburn ........ Beauty!! bring on the curry !!! Movalis 30mg - my head hurts from the ECT , is my brain swollen ?? Stilnox 12.5mg - i am lost for words, this drug makes me do the weirdest things in my sleep, i once drove 55 klms and woke up in my underwear and had no idea where i was and how i got there ....... free ride to the lock up ward in an ambulance !!! ( again, this is getting monotonous but at least i am starting to get on first name terms with the nurses there). And last but not least fo