Brian: I understand what you mean when you exert all of your (limited) energy on putting up a brave face for the people at work, and then having nothing left for the most important people in your life at the end of the day. I put on a brave face for four years in my last job. As time went on, each day got to be more harder than the last. I would wake up with a headache and limbs that felt like they weighed 800lbs. each. It was all I could do to get out of bed. I started coming in late, and often left early. Sometimes a needed a break at lunch too. My company kept me on because I was a well respected by my clients and colleagues and I always managed to stay on top of my work. One day I went home for lunch, and could not go back. I stood at my front door staring out the window and crying. I couldn't leave my house and it was physically painful. I eventually told my manager and he was surprisingly understanding - his wife suffers from MDD and cannot work at all, so he could really relate. They offered me some flexibility in hours and kept promising to find someone else to help me with my workload. Against the recommendation of my psychiatrist I left my job and decided to go back to school so that I could work for myself. I loved school and was able to spend more time caring for my family. Unfortunately, money became an issue and I had to start working earlier than planned. I do really enjoy my new job (most of the time) and have been able to manage my workload so that I can stay in bed all day some days if I need to. The point of all this babbling is that for me, a change was what I needed. I don't think it would have mattered what I changed to, but I felt than when I was at my old job my anticipation of feeling down and exhausted made me feel more down and exhausted. There are still a lot of challenges now that I am working for myself - in fact in some ways there are more. I am hoping that the CBT will help me break these negative cycles of feelings so that I won't need to make such a drastic change in the future. I also agree with Patrick that it would be good to sit down and discuss things with your wife. At one of my lowest points I was constantly consumed with the idea that my husband would leave me for somebody 'better'. He would get very frustrated with my insecurity because he felt that he was showing his commitment to me everday that he supported me. I finally had to say to my husband that I knew that I was difficult to live with although I could not understand exactly what he was going through. I made him promise me that he would be honest with me if things were getting too difficult so that I wouldn't be constantly worrying that there was something he wasn't telling me. Sometimes he gets frustrated with my lethargy (I can't blame him for that), but he always tempers his frustration because he knows that I am not being this way on purpose. As for the medication. I had the same thing happen to me. I think the initial burst of positive energy is somewhat of a placebo effect so try not to get discouraged. It takes a long time to figure out the right combination of drugs, but it will be worth it. Hang in there. I think that this is a good place to be able to express your feelings, and I find it comforting to know that there are others out there that can relate to where I'm coming from.

Brian, Glad you joined the site. Let me ask you something out of the blue: could you not work part-time and maintain your income level? I know that once we hit a certain salary we tend to live right up to it and leave no room. Or that you work flexi hours where you'd have, say, two hours in the morning to be at home with your wife and your daughter to relax and have a family fun/peace and quiet-time while your energy is up and then go to work and come home when the baby has gone to bed and there's just you and your wife and you can sit on the couch and watch the box and hold hands. I'm sorry if this sounds trite and I've no idea what circumstances you live in and whether or not you could even experiment with such arrangements but I'd rather blurt it out in the hope that it'd be helpful anyway. Did you consider that your wife might like to go back to work and be the major earner in the family for a year or two and you, if it's possible, do some computer work at home for a few hours while the baby is napping during the morning and afternoon; you could work on your cooking skills and amaze your wife. I did that for a year after my son was born; it's okay if you can deal with the 'alone' time which is what women have to deal with anyway when they are 'looking after baby' and not working. This type of arrangement might give you the chance to see a psych on a regular basis and time to work on yourself while the house is quiet and there's no pressure to 'perform' either for the Boss or for the family when you come home crushed at night trying to deal with clinical depression. Either way I hope you're trying to find calm and clear ways to explain all this to your wife and get her support and advice. You didn't say whether or not you are sharing your difficulties coping with your illness with your wife? I really understand the being stunned after working all day. I suffer from giving everything I have when I work and leaving nothing for myself or my family in the evenings. I had to learn the hard lessons of "myself time"; I exercised for a half hour when I got home and then flaked out on the bed and slept for exactly an hour every night before showering and studying or reading or just watching the box or going out on a date. Yes, I know that that might sound crazy to your wife and the baby if you said that's what you had to do but, remember, it's more nuts to 'kill' yourself living the way you're living now than being 'selfish' and taking some time for yourself and your sanity now. Make your wife understand. The early years of marriage and having a baby are very difficult and especially so for a depressive. Tell your wife that you want to try it for a week to see if you feel better and can let her rest after you have napped and that you'll put the baby to bed while she does whatever she needs to do to R&R after her long day with the baby. This whole "male/female role in the family" deal has to be breached sometime. Don't tell me that your wife didn't see that you had a crap time during the Mexico vacation? What did she say about that? More importantly, what did you say back to her about being flat during the trip?? Patrick

Brian, Welcome aboard! We too hope you find some helpful strategies and tools that will help you along your journey. We encourage you to take the time to read through present and past discussions as well as familiarize yourself with the tools of the program. They are located in your Session Diary. If you have any questions for the moderators or the group, please don't hesistate to post and ask! We hope to hear from you again soon. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

Hey there, So, I've been diagnosed with depression. I went to my doctor and told her about how I was having a tought time concentrating at work, how I was moody at work and that I just didn't have the go I used to. As well, I would finish work and have no more to give. I have a wonderful wife and a beautiful little two year old girl and I have nothing for them at the end of the day. My work performance (keeping up and still smiliing) wipes me out. I act happy and up when I am at work so no one at work knows about how I am feeling. So I was/am moody, lethargic, complacent when I am home. Not very nice. I am new to the effexor, and I have gone from 85 mg in April to 115 in June to now 150 mg in September. I have a burst of success and then flatline again. I am finding now that the ups are less often and the downs are not increasing but they are more intense. Ultra crabby and tired. I went to Mexico for a week with my wife and it was OK. Who goes to Mexico and thinks that it was just okay? Enough babbling. I hope I find success with this program. Take care all, Brian