Laura, Night times are tough. Did you never ask your doctor for something like Trazadone to help you sleep? At my worst times of insomnia I used Trazadone and it helped a lot. Even now when I wake at 3 or 4 a.m. I will not stay in the bed tossing and turning. I go into the living room and stare at the box for an hour or two at low volume; the tv is great for massaging the troubled mind because it's so full of unmitigated crap and especially so in the dead of night. It's so boring in fact that I can't stay awake for the next Animal Planet special on Giraffes at 4a.m. and I find I get another three hours sleep in an upright position on the couch with my feet resting on the hassock. Wooly blanket helps. I find that I fall asleep after the first 35 minutes of the George Clooney/Matt Damon movie "Syriana" every time I watch it. Buy a copy and let me know if that works for you. Just know, Laura, that this ideation/anxiety is a passing thing. Trust in your GP to mix and match the right meds for you so that you can still the pain. I hope that your meds work better for you now that you've upped the dosage. Read Suzy's postings - there's a smart lady...I wouldn't think of suicide with a brave woman like that still in the world. Patrick

I'm scared my suicidal ideation is so strong at night sometimes that i have to fight myself not to do it. My anxiety level is quite high right now. I had therapy today and my anti-depressant is doubled as of today. I'm trying to hang on and get my house in order.....oh the plan is if i get to that point again i will call 911.

Well it's the lack of freedom that truly bothers me in inpatient treatment and the lack of privacy. What i consider adequate privacty for bathing is not often what facilities provide. My biggest need is for supervision in night time. I don't know what I'm going to do I am expecting a call from my Dr. and my therapist is calling him, also.

Laura, My last bout of deep depression, Laura, was about 12 years ago and I complicated it by abusing the medication I was having prescribed for me to control chronic pain (arthritis.) I was lucky enough to turn myself in to a very fine programme in Canada for drug rehabilitation (CBT on a grand scale). I was an inpatient for 60 days (the programme has since been reduced to 30 days because of Government cutbacks in the Health Sector) and it was the greatest gift I've ever had. It saved my life. I wrestled with the toxic effects of the morphine I was using and, at the same time, I was getting brief but concentrated counselling sessions everyday for the 60 days to deal with my MDD. I followed the programme rigourously because I wanted to live and alter the way I dealt with the world (friends and loved ones and strangers). So, yes, I can say that being an inpatient was the best thing for ME at that time in my life. Maybe it's not the best thing for you and Danielle is right to caution you to let your doctor give you the best advice. All I wanted to say to you here is that I was so relieved to get away from all the business of living which I had been failing at so grossly and find myself in the hands of caring counsellors and psychologists who, literally, let me erase all my history-book of bad experiences and who gave me a clean book (a journal) to begin a new chapter in my life without drugs, dealing with my physical pain, and learning how to communicate in a better way by being aware of the triggers which prompted me to act like a fool before all this - and that meant going back to being at the emotional age of 'teenager' and learning how to be a real adult as best as I could. I'm still working on it and I'm still using the skills I learned in the rehab center (and later on in a Pain programme)almost every day to try to mitigate my once raucous responses to the world. If it's the stigma thing that's bothering you all I can say to that is you have only one life and you have to take care of it yourself - who cares what your Aunt Alice thinks about her niece going into a psychiatric hospital?? She can't live your live anyway, can she? Nobody taught me how to live when I was a teenager, I didn't get a manual on how to beware of the pitfalls of life, my parents were too busy being depressed themselves to be good teachers. I needed to go to remedial school (The University of CBT) at age 55 to learn the things I should have learnt when I was 18... Hang in and do what you think is best for you - nomatter what you decide keep logging in here and listening and talking to people like yourself who are dealing with all the crap you are dealing with. Patrick

I am seeing my therapist at 10am monday and my hubby is seeing my dr i'm giving him the result of an online test about my symptoms to take to the dr.

LauraAnneMarie, Welcome to our site and thanks for introducing yourself. Losing a parent is among the hardest experiences to go through but please know that you are not alone. We encourage you to begin working through the program and continue working with your therapist. He/she is the best authority - aside from yourself of course, who can help you judge whether or not inpatient treatment would be helpful to you. Members, Please share your experiences on inpatient treatment. Did it help you? Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

My dad died a year ago August 7th. Worse grief I ever experienced. I've had depression since I was in grade school. Medication and therapy isn't working at this time.