Wildcat,
I have felt the same way you are feeling now. What you must remember above all else, is that this is not permanent. Tomorrow, or the next day, or maybe even next week will be better. How you feel today won't last forever. At the worst, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Remember - what you are feeling is not really you. Your illness has flared up and so is being more difficult to handle. It distorts your reality. Life will get easier. Use whatever words come to mind. For sure, your medical resource can understand it if they try. Here's one that my psychiatrist loved and i gave him permission to use in an article. "Depression is a migraine of the soul" It is terrible pain without obvious cause. Migraines do go away. Depression does to. Both types of patients need help to carry on productive lives.
I was once suffering several migraines weekly. Finally got my GP to send me to the Migraine Clinic we have here. A couple of tests and some forms filled out and presto! medications to prevent migraines. And they worked like a charm!! Couple of side effects but I have no regrets. The meds allowed me to get my life back. And when I finally had to stop taking them, miracuously - no more migraines! Not quite true - I may get a couple a year. But that I can handle.
Hang on!! This too shall pass!! I promise!!
I am lucky enough to have someone who is my rock, who I can hang on to when I fall into the abyss. He will always be there, with a strong line to hold me. He will not let go of me, no matter what I do, how crazy I get. Even if i anger him beyond tolerance, he will not let me fall. And for that, I am blessed.
Hope this helps - don't ever give up.
Suzy
