hi rosie, I see those horrible nightmares, they come when I am in a downward spiral... I guess it is part of my subconcious trying to get a handle on the emotional turmoil. I dream of crazy elevators (I'm claustrophobic) that go in all directions, that stop half-way at a floor and half way into an abyss, that go so fast that you get stuck to the floor or ceiling. :8o: I dream of disease ravaged cities where I have to hide my children and steal food from homes infested with the dead. Then there are the horrid thoughts that invade my mind doring the waking hours... the negative values and images I have of myself, the terrible thoughts that scare me and make me think I am crazy, the horrid images that come when I am scared for my children... these are part of my obsessif-compulsive disorder. So I know how much you hurt... I still make up stories in my bed at night. It helps me to fall asleep with some thing pleasant, like a story-where-you-are-the-hero. When the nightmares come and wake me I have learned to take controle of the thoughts and change the vision so it does not haunt me all day and the next... In the crazy elevator I fight to get off at a half-floor and take the stairs. In the city, I give myself a shelter and weapons (medication, fire-arms, allies). In the hotair balloon I sit on the sides of the ruined basket and enjoy the view (or I transform myself into a falcon). You know that meditation and yoga are NOT crutches! They are essential good habits that are good for you like eating 5 to 10 portions of furits and vegetables. These stimulate the feel-good chemicals in your brain. They teach you how to be quiet inside and face the the abyss. The give you strenght to walk the edge and then walk away. Finally, they give you the space you need to learn to become positive and endure all aspects of your self, good and bad. my 4 year old has started some yoga poses to help calm her temper tantrums. They are essential tools in developement of control over her more explosif emotions - and mine as well. ;p

Hi Rosie, Believe it or not, your fear isn't at all uncommon. You can find out lots more about it on our sister site: www.paniccenter.net In that program, you'll learn lots of great effective strategies for challenging those negative thoughts, doing exposure work related to your triggers and breaking that panic cycle. We also tackle anxiety and panic further along in this program. (Session 12) In the meantime, journalling about those scary dreams in the AM may help you channel that nervousness. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

Rosie You have produced a beautiful baby girl. You can not be worthless when you have done that. You are almost everything to her. Keep working with this program so that she can see by example your obviously intelligent and caring self.

I used to have trouble falling to sleep and fears of dying as a child. What I did was to start telling my self an ongoing fantasy story. I would fall asleep before I finished and carry on the next night. I usually sleep well now. But when I can't I get up and do housework or rock myself to sleep. Effexor tends to make you more alert too so maybe taking it early in the morning would help. when I am off it I do nothing but sleep in depression for 12 hours and night then naps during the day.

Hello again, I meditate and that does help sometimes, so does yoga, but it's so strong this feeling, I perform all these crutch like actions to block out this awfulness but it's always there underneath, waiting for the moment to pull out the rug from underneath me and make me stare into an abyss.talking (writing in this group) helps because I feel less alone.I sleep in the same room as my daughter and listen to her breathing at night, little sweet one. the nightmares are the worst because you can't stop them and they colour your day somehow. a rock and roll version of hansel and gretel would be great about now actually... thanks for your words wildkat and patrick.i am just so tired of having to struggle, i want to go home, if I only knew where it was.

Rosie, I can only reiterate what Wildcat is telling you. Do lots of slow,deep breathing exercises. Go and sleep with your baby girl or bring her into your bed to sleep with you. Could you try to talk to her about baby-stuff?? Tell her a story. I used to tell my son a kind of rock&roll version of Hansel and Gretel which broke him up (the laughing sent him to sleep exhausted.) Remember that we're here for you. We know what you're going through because we've been there and will most likely be there again some time in the future. I just feel lucky that the 40 mg of Prozac I take at night lasts me well throughout the next 24 hours. There are still triggers that make me miserable but I have learned to shut them down with the help of the learned CBT actions and the help of the edge-cutting SSRI. Keep talking if you can. Talk some more to us

Hi Rosie, I do not have this particular phobia but several people in my anxiete self-help group suffer miserably from it. I have other anxiete problems. It is possible to move beyond the fear. There are two exercises to desensetize yourself that comes to mind... the first is a deep breathing exercise to help overcome the symptomes of hyperventilation -the flight or fight reaction from fear causes us to change our breathing rythem. The other is a positive and negative summary of the day; it helps to calm the mind and prepare for sleep.

Hi everyone.. have had a difficult time lately because of anxiety attacks to do with fear of death, in the night especially and it disturbs my sleep. I become aware that I am going to die and there is nothing I can do to stop it, its the realisation and it terrifies me. I sob and shiver through the night(quietly, so baby doesn't hear me)the fragility of human life and all the endless misery of what goes on in the world,my little girl that I have to leave behind one day.I feel paralysed by it all this agony... has anyone read philip larkin's poem "aubade"? well thats the feeling I mean. I am so terrified I am afraid to sleep and when I do the nightmares are awful. dead animals and vicious dogs trying to get to me, i dream of my father a lot too, that i can see him but he cant find me. I feel horribly locked inside my own head and have really noone to talk to. literally noone I see my students every day but I am hardly going to break down and talk about my fathers death, my divorce ,my ptsd and my illness with them, it really scares people off, my friends don't call or have time for me anymore. I have never been so isolated in my life and it is the hardest time I have ever had.I see no future, i see nothing and live from day to day, hour to hour, I hide all this from my baby girl because I don't want this to affect or hurt her in any way but I don't see a way out anymore. i used to be able to think of the future and visualise it. now there is just a blank.I have been on Effexor for four months and it helps, i don't know what would have happened to me if I had not been on it. this fear of death and fear of my daughter dying is terrible, my bed looks like a grave to me.you couldn't tell from the outside that there is anything the matter with me, but I am really scared right now..I am being strong on the outside but I don't know for how long.I call people for help but no one wants to know.it seems easy to just let go and give it up, if I wasn't so scared to death I would do it.I feel like the most worthless waste of space. I loath what i see in the mirror and I don't want to be like this but Its like an engine has started and can't seem to stop.