Wildcat, Way to think things through. Those are some great assignments to work on. Be kind to yourself and keep taking it one baby step at a time to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Keep us posted. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

I no longer have a therapist due to lack of insurance funding. My G.P will only book appointments i month at a time and then only to prescribe more meds. 2008, Hope you are well before then.x

hi gabs, THanks! i am the thinking type and have been thinking about this since I was 13 so now it is time to learn to feel. And I have a month, and if it doesn't sink in... well she has me schedualed till dec [b]2008[/b]!!! ;)

wildcat, your therapist seems to give you some really tough challenges to work on. She obviously thinks you are able to cope with all of this but to me you seem to be working through so quickly. I for one, couldnt achieve what you ar trying to when I am so low. You are being very hard on yourself. It is one thing to take positive action against this terrible illness but another to put yourself under too much pressure to get even this right. Take your time, go back a little then slowly go forward. My Son who is now 28 is my pride and joy and is helping me with my recovery but i remeber that for the 1st 15 years of his life I always thought that he would die, I didnt think i deserved him. Looking back I think I missed some of the joy for fear of loosing him but at the time these thoughts wouldnt leave me and i wasnt even depresed then. i do hope you feel better tomorrow and try to be kind to yourself, work on the programe but dont overwork the programe. Good luck.x

lets see if writing this down gets me anywhere... Last month when I saw my psy, she saw that I usually get into trouble with my thinking after a situation is over... I can interpret situations and people with just a bit of difficulty but nothing to work on there. It is after all the doubts and FEARS spring up, and I go negative with myself... So I was to stop this cycle. I was to meet situations, deal with them and let to go, no over-analasys, no going over and over the what if's, perhaps, but then's and tomorrow's... I did it every evening. I left a book of quotes on my pillow (under the pillow when I slept) so as I got in I read my children their stories and I read the quote of the day (and if iut was irrelavent I searched for another). The therapist wanted me to pull out my books of poetry, but those are too difficult for now! So with the quote and paragraph in the fore of mind I went to bed. And I forced the bad and the hopeless to the void. THis month! She wants me to think about how I am sensitive and learn to controle the intensity of my emotional reactions. I fear going over-board and becoming the out-of-controle and confused person my father was. Also, I fear becoming the panic-stricken and ineffective person my mother is. I am to see what emotions are triggered in reaction to various day-to-day situation. See what I feel! Recognise the emotion. Then, knowing I do not have to repress; feel the emotion. Feel it to know where in me it becomes bothersome. Feel it to know that I do not need to fight it (where ALL my energy is going) I can let it come and I can use my energy to live with it or direct it. Going with the flow is [b]supposed[/b] to be less effot than repressing it. This is scary for me. I am so used to the low of depression that allowing other feelings to rise and be experienced is difficult for me to do. I remember coming home with my son from the hospital. I cried and cried. I do not think it was post-partum anything - looking back from here- I think it was fear of loving this wonderful little miracle! I think it was a fear of having my heart broken but my little boy. I think it was a fear of bring so horrible as a perent that I would ruin the wonderful potentials he was born with. minute I need a kleenex...