hi gang,
last night I took my little Tiamat to see my husband's parents. She was crying to see grand-maman and grandpapa. And Papa was ill and tired so i went alone.
my in-laws enjoy talking to me at these moments. We discussed my bipolarity and my father's. He was rapid cycling and way out of control, no motivation, and few tools. I have you guys, I have tools. I have help. I have proper medication and therapy. I understand the obstacles that my illness sets in my way and I am learning to overcome and contour those obstacles.
My father in law had panic attacks one year and took celexa. He is afraid of going there again. He is afraid of his hyper-sleepy-ness means he is on the way to being a zombie-depressive like those who pass in front of his home on their way to the psychiatric hospital! I explained that sleepy-ness is one symptome of a million problems. He already saw his doctor and cardiologist to rule out five hundred thousand. Monday he is seeing a hematologist... I told him to see the physical side of things for now... he might he absorbing iron with difficulty after his chemotherapy last year... and might be anemic... if not the worst thing that might be happening to him is that he is aging, early seventys is where the body says that the pace of a twenty-yr-old is too much! He even admitted to thinking too young. I reassured them that those "zombies" are not unipolar depressif, those who are like that are severely medicated for debilitating psychiatric illnesses - psychotics, severely schysopherics,... monsieur is no where near there, he is not about to develop that type of illness now...
THey were reasured. I explained that at worst monsieur might be in the blues because he is worn out psysically and and has had a lot of emotions ups and downs recently... so he hit a situation at less than his best, and might be de-press-ed; just at a low energy and low motivation. Once he forces himself to find the pleasure in the small moments each day his brain will jump start the chemical mix and he will recuperate. If he needs help, his doctor will take his needs into account.
blah,blah,blah,... They were comforted and I was impressed with how much I actually learned. How much more educated i have become with my illness and with my inner workings. I was impressed with how much tolerance I have for myself and how I have learned to slowly push my limits to grow (versus wear myself out with unattainable goals). I was nice to leave there an hour later and feel understood and supported to a certain extent.
Now, my next goal is to explain my illness to my father's sister. I need her to know what I live with, to know my fears, and know that I love her.
