Hi Guys,
Thought i would try to use the most horrible day as a thought record but cant grasp it. Maybe am just too tired to think straight.
Nov 9th Goal.= to get myself out of the house/prison
8am get up, feeling terrible, had a very bad night slept only couple of hours on and off. Take my meds and they make me feel more sleepy. shower and try to dry may hair, the phone rings, the phone rings on and off 11 times this morning.
We have a problem with cold callers. I am ex directory have no idea where they get my number from.
I am getting very upset and agitated as i cant even get ready to get out of this house.
normally i would ignore the calls but I am waiting for the hospital to call me so i must answer this phone.
I want to throw it out of the window.
My husband phones to ask if i am o.k. I shout at him and tell him i would be if only the damn phone would stop ringing and i could get out of here.
I hate myself. I hate being cross at him for no reason.
Its not his fault. Now I feel guilty and want to cry.
Will I ever leave this house!
its now past midday and i have only just left home.
I go to the shopping mall.
Cant remember the drive. Must have driven on auto pilot.
I firstly stop at the grocery store to pick up food to make husbands favorite dinner because i feel so bad about my outburst.
I want to go to the department store to get some boots. I get half way there and my back pain wont let me walk further. I sit down and want to cry right there. I dont, i just sit a while and then very slowly try to get back to my car, it takes me almost an hour.
I didnt get anything on my list. I feel like my shopping trip was a waste of time. I ache all over I am upset, frustrated and I still have to drive home.
The reality is, I did get out of the house. I did buy food.
It doesnt matter that i didnt get to the department store.
I dont need the boots if i cant get out. How to put this into thought record. I dont know.
Its 2.30 am and I still cant sleep. I am really loosing my mind. @ steps forward 4 steps back.
Help.x
