Cernan, Listen, I'm 250lbs and have been like that for too long over the last several years. It's unhealthy and I'm struggling with a diet regime. But it hasn't stopped me from finding love with a woman despite how much I hated being overweight. In your case i see that it's a problem with self-confidence and the terrible fear of rejection- at work, in a bar, at a party. How much of that is a function of the mores of the society we live in? The 'gotta be thin' look all over the media makes it seem imperative and it's not at all. Maybe you're seeing women like that too? maybe you're seeing only the "lush" women and wanting to "score" with them as "chicks" when what you might be doing is talking straight-up to any woman, lush or not, as tho' you were there for a conversation and not looking for a quick sexual snack. What's wrong with just being yourself when you meet a woman or start a conversation with her? Danielle is so right... it doesn't work to approach every meeting with a woman by seeing her as a potential 'score'... how about just a frequent, non-threatening, "Hi!" in the office for a while and then moving on to appreciation of her plant-life or the photos on her desk - staying away from overtly personal matters which are not appropriate in the office anyway? What about asking about what you may have heard about her - is she a dancer? An outdoorsy type? A movie-lover? A shoe fanatic like Imelda Marcos? Here's the rub and it bears saying over and over again - there will be rejections along the way... that's nothing to fear... it just is that way... so she is a rude woman and turns her back or sidles away from you... happens to all of us one time or more. So, you just met a woman who is lacking in social skills, that's all. You don't have a sign on your forehead saying I'm looking to get laid tonight, right? Keep it neutral in chat until the smiles are natural and she's asking you questions. You don't have a problem starting a chat with some guys in the bar, do you? Do it the same way with a woman. You're talking to a human - people are receptive or grumpy or inarticulate or so verbally effusive that you won't want to stay there too long... it's all kinds... there's no formula, Cernan. If you really want to go for 'classes' on being social go to a dance class, join a drama group, do what you're doing in here - say what is in your heart and damn the torpedoes. Hey, I like you because you're honest. A lot of other people will appreciate you just for that quality you already have...use that skill and look for honesty coming back at you.

Welcome Cernan! Self confidence can be a tough thing. I saw Danielle's advice to you in another thread and thought it was most excellent. As for being a virgin ... it's just a word. Maybe you give it too much power? By the time I was in my early 20s I'd had many, many sexual partners and was suicidal. Getting laid doesn't equate with happiness, believe me. In fact, Cernan, it seems to me that someone who doesn't sleep around has shown more respect for themselves than I did. In that way you already have a head start on self respect. One less thing to work on in the long run. I'm sure you'll find others here who feel like you do, who struggle with the same issues you do. I thought I was the only one who felt like I did but in the short time I've been here and been working the first Session, I felt very understood and supported. This is an awesome bunch of folks and your obvious openness will allow us all to offer up whatever we can. Again, Welcome!

Hi Cernan, Welcome aboard! I've given you some tips on how to build your self-esteem with women in your other post. It may not be little things that send you into a spiral more than little things you're insecure about that send you down. You may want to make overcoming these insecurities a treatment goal. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

Hey everyone, I'm Cernan (Not my real name, shocking huh?) I'm actually in a pretty good mood right now because I just went through the first session and feel like for the first time in my life I may actually have a shot of getting help. But just a couple of hours ago I was in the depths of despair, why? Because some guy I can't stand at work scored with two chicks I'm attracted to. Yup, that's all it takes to cause me to dive in to a depression spiral. I've always been able to handle big massive problems pretty well, but little tiny things just destroy me for some reason. I didn't want to use the phone because I honestly just feel comfortable with it, so I was very happy to find there was an online element I could find help with. My main problem as I see it is I'm a 28 year old virgin, also I'm very very overweight which contributes to my low self esteem, which of course contributes to me being a 28 year old virgin. There are other problems I have but none dominate me the way those two do. I look forward to meeting all of you and working with you all to help each other out.