Hi Kiki,
Welcome in here. Some of us see a big Black Dog following us and others find themselves standing close to the edge of an Abyss - nomatter how you see depression as it threatens to close in on you, we all know just how frightening and debilitating it is.
We know the nausea you feel, the despair looming, the vertigo , the fear of falling forever down into the hole... the way our friends and family even look different as they carry on with their normal chatter, how we can't wait to get behind a closed door to lie down and curl up and cry and shake...
We remember the exhaustion from the huge physical effort of being awake and scared through hours of that misery and then the passivity, maybe, the pure emptiness and we're staring for hours at a stain on the wall.
I did those things over and over for years on and off until I started taking my medications seriously and forcing myself to do three simple things when I woke at whatever time...3 am, 6 am, 1 am ... pull a sweater on, put the kettle on, wash my face. Sit in a chair and fight to not look at the bed. Some times those three things were all I could do ... then I added one more thing and then another until I had re-learned how to "start the day". Actually make tea, actually make the bed (read - pull the covers over the pillow), actually turn on the radio and try to understand why the traffic news was important....
We've all taken these journeys over and over again ... the thing is that we're still here and fighting to stay gripped to the good things in life...
Make your medications do most of the rough work and let this site and the CBT programme do the rest... make sure you see a doctor regularly and talk, talk, talk to people who understand how you live...in here.
There's love here, Kiki, use it and give a little back by talking to us....
