hi gabs,
let your husband take care of himself, he is a big boy. He has resources and by going out and seeing other people he will learn to properly express himself! not just scrounge aroung for whatever vocabulary is lying around.
You know, between the lines I have the impression you husband does love you. There a million and one things he could have done to make thing even worse but he is still around. He is talking to your children - looking for support in his confusion. Not everyone gets married with the "dummies book of maturity in relationships" memorized ;p.
you are completely justified in being angry. He should have learned from his mother proper civility towards others. You are justified in being angry that he has not made the effort to learn what you need in the way of support in this illness. Do not be angry at yourself for investing so much in your marriage. Love provides endless energy. It hurts, like being scalded, when we cannot feel the returning love, support, and understanding.
You are in the process of healing your wounds, and part of your depression has been caused by pain from your relationship's deficienties. You need time and distance from the pain. Remember that you are able to be motivated, and you can feel pleasure. Perhaps, part of your depression is caused by some issues of self-esteem and body image so blaming your self and hurting yourself with negative judgements are second-nature (thought-spirials) now. You feel the way you do POINT. It is a spontanious express of you pain. See why the pleasure is important... it reminds you that you have Your life, Your joy, Your passions. You are not only this marriage. You are not only depression. You are noy only the cause of others worry and pain.
You are a beautiful person. You can be light. You can be joyful and bring joy to others. You are a complete person with a full range of emotions at your disposion and to use as you need. You are your own person and chose to share your life with others.
So, let your husband work through his issues like a big boy. Let him make his mistakes and understand where he went right and where he went wrong... and you take your place as another lesson for him in support and understanding... and he is wrong, punish him as you would any other mistake (if children play near a stove, they will be burned).