I think we need a success story, now that we've entered bleak February, so I'll start...
Struggling with defining my core beliefs, I found one that said that people don't want to be friends with me because I'm dull and boring. Not that I'm unlovable, just that people have more interesting ways to spend their time than with me. And people who do try to strike up a friendship are really only doing it because they are being kind and/or polite.
I've known about this belief (sounds weird) for some time, but didn't know what to do with it until I came to the exercise here where you look back through your life for evidence. Following this one back took me way back to childhood. I'm third child, an introvert with 2 good-looking, popular and extroverted older brothers. We are close in age, so went through school together and I was popular by association... or so I had always figured, though I'd never really thought much about it. So now, 30 years later, I think about it. And although there were a few people who befriended me simply to get to my brothers, I had quite a few friends of my own -- many of whom are still my friends despite the fact that I haven't hung around with my brothers in many years. And 30-40 years is a long time to maintain a friendship simply out of kindness or good manners, don't you think?
Domino effect in my head, and I saw with clarity how passive I've been with people over the years. Moving around a fair bit meant that I was continually meeting new people -- several of whom, I see now, attempted friendship. I'd go to dinner or parties or coffees when I was invited, but didn't reciprocate because I honestly believed that they'd come because they were invited but not because they really wanted to. I realize that I could beat myself up at this point for being so rude over the years, but I'm still agog at this shift in thinking. Dominoes, or one of those secret-compartment desks where you turn a knob and it sets in motion a series of levers and clicks and such until finally the drawer pops open with a treasure inside.
So what am I going to do with this? I'm going to pick up the phone more. I'm not up to throwing even a dinner party, but I will be more active my relationships and will initiate getting together more often.
