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for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

hi mom-3

do you know the number of times I have been in so much emotional pain that I begged the mother-goddess to take me away in the night... and the Aw S*** I am still alive mornings I have had? Too many. Too many years of them.

When we are at the bottom of the depression pit, we look up and cannot even see the light, never mind the way out. The tools here and the gang's support are your first efforts at dugging a ramp out... each effort is a shovel-full of dirt that begins the ramp and raises your floor that little bit. It IS a heculean task, especially to start and there seems like no progess.

But the gang can tell you ... there will be better days. Some day you will wake up lousy and a smile, a ray of sunshile, a hug will be pleasant and will make you smile. Another time, a walk on a crisp morning will remind you what it felt like to be alive. Then some mornings you will notice the birds singing and the breeze in the trees and it will be a good day.

so hang in there.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Wildcat,

I always thought I had married my best friend also. Lately I've been getting such mixed feelings from him. It may be that he is now to the point that I am and is in a downward spiral of his own. I'm trying to stay focused on the positives but when I feel he is angry with me or that I am someone he'd rather not deal with I tend to panic.

I am trying to be positive and trying everything I know to do to stay out of a downward spiral, but past history shows me that's pretty much a pipe dream. I realize that my behaviors are something he's constantly looking at. So I have decided that I won't be pushing him to talk about EVERYTHING. I'm trying to give him space to see past whatever has gotten him to this point and also to show him that he matters enough to me to fight my depression. Sometimes he gets it, other times it does not seem so. I understand that this is a process and takes time but every set back, every time I feel that I have done something wrong, or that I may lose him or his love kills more and more of me.

I know what I just wrote is dysfunctional thinking. That's me. I don't want to divorce and I don't want to be dysfunctional. I'm really obsessing about this. I also don't feel like I'm over analyzing either. Sometimes we are connected and sometimes not. I just want to be connected and stay connected.

Maybe this day gets better from here, I don't know. It'sstarted out pretty lousy and I am alone to bear it out. Maybe work and the gym will help or maybe an epiphany will come. Whatever. Another day, another heartache to deal with. Sorry to be so down this early in the morning but I'm so confused about life right now.

Mom of 3

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

hi gang,

I am very lucky in that I married my best friend. We stated together in 1989 and married in 1996. Now, two children and a world of experience later I find myself with an illness. My husband is caring and supportif. He is fine with whatever I decide. I usually take enlightened decisions after I have had a change to organise my ideas off him.

Only, my chouette is not very proactive. He waits for me to choose, to decide, to discover, to act. I am a bit worried that as I pass mid-life I might have a manic episode and he will not be able to take controle of the situation.

We have amazing communication between us ... and sometimes I just think of him and he shows up a moment later to ask... you called me? There is a kind of syncronicity to our lives and we often find we hit the same need/desire at the same moment. It is so cute and reassuring.

But many moons ago... I lived with the sword of damocles over my head. I was afraid of losing my boyfriend to his family's pressures. I was afraid of being an actor and when my love discovered the real person he would leave. I was afraid that as a baby and child I was unable to have a loving relatonship with either of my parents and that I was unworthy and undeserving of anyone's affections. etc. The bliss I have has come with a lot of tears and a lot of work on both sides here. I had to give my love and trust to my chouette. I had to trust him with my heart and trust that he was a big boy and knew what he saw and what he wanted. He gave up a lot of nights with the boys and he gave me a lot of the affections and love I needed to grow up. Chouette's biggest challenge was to learn that I sometimes need to vent and not every problem needs a solution. Sometimes all a problem needs is a hug.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

I think you are doing a good job of letting him into your world. Be open and honest with him, and try to explain to him how you are feeling. I'm sure that he asks what you are doing on the site because he cares about you and wants to be involved. Don't be afraid to talk to him about the site, you may find that talking to him about things will improve your mood, and your relationship.

Members, do you have any suggestions for Mom of 3?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Daily Llama

Thank you so much for your input. It's nice to hear from a man on the subject! It is a head-in-the-sand approach, isn't it? My husband keeps saying he just wants me to be me. He doesn't understand that "me" is a complicated thing and means many different things. He also takes everything I do personally (and vise versa). He doesn't understand that the problems I have with the children, work, and general life, while draining on me, do not diminish my love for him.

With your input I realize that he can't understand because in a way I have kept him out for fear of what he will think or feel about it. He does tell me that I think too much and decide what others think and feel without asking, then base my response on that (a form of control no doubt). We are talking more now than before and he is aware that I've found this program. He asks me what I'm doing when I'm on, but I don't know if it's because he feels left out or what. Last night I gave him an overview about what I do on here and he seemed satisfied.

Any other suggestions on how to reach out more and let him "into my world" more?

Thanks,

Mom of 3

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1890

Hi Sunshine and Mom3

My Opinion about marital communications!!

I'm a man and if I were your husband I would want you to help me to understand what is going on with you... This ostrich head-in-sand approach is not good for either your, or his, equilibrium... this is your life-partner you're talking about, your helpmate in life, your lover and buddy - the one with whom you're supposed to be most intimate with - that you can tell anything to and who will do his best to understand what ails you... communication is everything, isn't it? Can you set up a nice Friday night meal and ask a big favour of him? Ask him if he would come and talk to your psychiatrist/therapist with you or on his own? So he would understand the seriousness of what is going on with you and learn a little something about psychopharmacology etc.? Then ask your psych if s/he would see your husband....

Open up those doors of perception and communication....

Patrick

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 12049

Sunshine,

Welcome and thank you for sharing with us. Please do take the depression test and bring it to your next appointment. It can help assess the situation for you both.

The Mood Tracker is also a very important tool that can help you note changes in your mood - and it can help you and your therapist begin to see exactly how you're feeling. It's important to use the Mood Tracker daily because it's very hard, if not impossible, to track your mood the day after because we often forget the minor details .

Do post with us often. As you can see there are many members to support and guide you. Sharing is a great tool for knowledge. Perhaps your husband would benefit from knowledge about depression. Your doctor or therapist can also provide information to pass along.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Josie, Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Sunshine,

I read your introduction and can relate. Keep trying and if you haven't used the sessions here I suggest you try them. The people here are very kind and try to give you ideas on how to deal with the issues you have. They speak from experience and because of that do not come off as judgemental. You get the sense that you are in a safe place to share your story and learn about the story of others. I haven't been at this long but have already gotten some very good tips and perspectives that are useful with what I'm going through.

As far as your husband not being really understanding about your use of medication and the "stigma" around it makes him uncomfortable - Be aware that he feels that way about it and minimize it for him by not bringing it up for now. But do what is best for your recovery. My husband us not really pleased that I use my medication. He gives me reasons, but I think he has a stigma about it also. When you are able to discuss it with him, let him know how it has helped you and that there are many people who use such medication and view it as nothing more than taking a daily vitamin.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1

Hi there, I have visited this site on several occasions but this is my first time posting.

Where to start about me...

I have been struggling over the past year. Last year I had my cat die, my grandmother die, acquired a new boss, had a drastic change in working volume and working conditions. I ended up working almost constantly by myself and went from a nuturing woman boss to a male one that did not say anything and I felt very under appreciated and uder utilized.

I was starting to spiral downhill and the anxiety, negative thinking and depression arose. I have been on an antidepressant Cipralex and seeing a psychiatrist since November. I have been actively working on improving. I have taken a couple of workshops on Personal Boundaries and Assertive communication. Both are areas I can be weak in.

I grew up as an only child in a family where my mother suffers from a mental illness and has tried on several occasions to commit suicide. i was in my teen years when this all happened. Back then people kept their problems behind closed doors and no one talked about things. With her paranoia I quickly learned for survival to not say anything and thus over the years have ingrained this mask and avoidance as a way to survive. I have a lot of acquaintances but extremely few real friends that I fully share with.

I have been married 13 years. We enjoy a lot of the same activities and do not fight. I thought we had a pretty good relationship until all of this came upand I started learning about myself and realized we do not communicate at an intimate level. Pretty discouraging but I have left that alone as I have many other things on my plate to deal with. Communication is a struggle for both of us and I believe that my hubby is emotionally not able to be tehre for me at this time....or maybe I am unwilling to be vulernerable to try. He is aware I am on an antidepressant and initially made some comment about the stigma surrounding it. He has said on a couple of occasions he really wishes he could take those words back that he has just so shocked and taken back. I believe that but on the other hand he avoids the topic and I don't think he has really brought up the subject again...so I have chosen not to disclose to anyone (well you are the first) that I am seeing a psychiatrist. It gets lonely not having anyone to talk to and the anxiety just bottles up.

About 6 weeks ago I was let go from my job. That came as a huge blow to me as it was just a few weeks after my performance appraisal where all was good and it was the first day back after my vacation...since then I have been noticing I am slipping. I am home all day by myself with no one to talk to. I am scared and anxious about a job interview. I know logically that I should not be that it is no big deal but I feel myself getting back to the negative thoughts, feeling like nothing is of joy etc.

When I have purpose or am busy life is good. Whether it is an avoidance thing or I truky am making myself happy remains to be seen. In my recent soul searching I have uncovered that I am extremely externnally focused and have in the past looked to others for approval, validation etc. My self esteem is fairly low but I am working hard at improving it.

I get stuck. I find myself knowing that I have to make a choice but just doing nothing or wasting time...being indecisive. Taking longer and longer to get moving or motivated. Previous things are no longer pleasurable etc. I am scheduled to go on my first interview in a couple of days and the anxiety is brewing. I am afraid that the darkness I am experiencing will downplay my skills and I will end up making a bad choice for a job. Or that my negativity will come through...I am a good person and have a great sk

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