The core beliefs part of the program has definitely been a stumbling block for me. I just don't seem to be able to pull focus on it, like I don't want to look there.
Could it be that what you're talking about is a heuristic? A heuristic is a kind of mental rule of thumb we use as we move around the world, usually without being conscious of it at all. A classic heuristic is how you turn a key in a lock. We all get in the habit of sticking it in and turning. We don't consciously think "left" or "right" in fact you probably don't know which way to turn it until you're actually doing it. And watch what happens if a lock doesn't open, we just try the key again, and again, it takes us several tries to come to terms with it not working. Same deal with light switches. If the light doesn't come on, what do we do? Turn it off and try again. I don't think any lightbulb has even been brought back to life by this trick, but we all do it, just to get used to the idea the light's not working. Heuristics are strong determinants of behavior, and very hard to shift once the get in place.
I will have to give the core beliefs more thought, using your way of thinking, and seeing it as more heuristic than a kind of principled belief. Maybe that will help, or maybe I just don't like going down into my mental bedrock. I do believe that this is where real change has to happen though so thanks for helping me think about it.
I think that the word "belief" is causing misunderstanding among the group. The term as used in this program is not about beliefs, although these may form part of your "core beliefs and assumptions". It is something deeper than that. I have been trying to find a better term to describe what it means. It is your own personal, unconscious "theory of everything". It comes from all the many patterns you have consciously or unconsciously observed throughout your life. These accumulate to form your view of yourself and the world and you use these to make predictions about what will probably happen next. If you are told you are worthless and can only please by being perfect you may end up believing that you can never do anything right. So part of your core may be that you are a total f-up and your predictions of the outcome of a situation is that you will fail.
To change this core is not easy. You first have to stop believing in the negatives, start feeling, or telling yourself "wrong" every time those thoughts come up. Then you have to work very hard and long again and again to keep doing it or you will slip back into your old "Core beliefs and assumptions" It is so easy to slip back into that familiar core. It happens without even being noticed. So you have to keep vigilant in challenging that negative core.
That's why it is so hard. Maybe it would help if someone outside of you reminded you when you started to slip back. But sometimes they don't see it because we hide it or they become impatient because we keep slipping back into those old patterns.
Does anyone have a better way of explaining it?
my 10 yr old son, tigre, just stares at me as though I am a total idot.
