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Need helping getting through to my husband

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3

Hi Lovingwife.....I,too, am new to this forum, and so far the people have been so kind. I guess a newcomer can welcome another newcomer!

How long has your hubby been home from Iraq? Is he going to be deployed again?

I too think he has PTSD....and perhaps his anger at your 3-year old just brings back the memories of all the little ones that he saw in Iraq and the horrors that he experienced. I cannot imagine what it would be like to live with that on my mind.

Yes, he definitely needs to be able to talk it out with someone, but men can be so stubborn when it comes to admitting that their own minds can be affecting themselves and loved ones. Sigh! Please keep us posted how things are going.

alien8ted

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello LovingWife,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forums and encourage you to keep coming here for support. The people here are great. Hang in there!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1890

Hi, Lovingwife. Welcome to this site. I understand that your husband might be wary about using the VA system since there's that perception that it's best not to admit to the army that you're having "mental" problems. There's also the macho thing to get over: it's not "manly" to admit that the tough stuff you've seen in Iraq has warped your mind a bit. He might have pictures in his head right now that he hoped would fade away when his stint in the battle lines was done, but it isn't happening. These images linger and linger and cause huge stress on his balance and your marriage. Do you have kids? Maybe he'd be more amenable to getting help if he thought his behaviour was disturbing the kids and you?

You could get a dual appointment with a counsellor (who has some experience with PTSD) and then ask him to come with you while you talk to the counsellor about your communication "difficulties" with him... make it an issue about your marriage rather than an issue about his mental state...

Patrick

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

Goofy & Lovingwife,

Goofy- Thanks so much for that information. Excellent to know!

Lovingwife- How are you doing? Let us know how you are

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Lovingwife

I hope Goofy's post is helpful to you and your husband. Please let us know how he is doing. How are you holding up?

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

I hope this is not something you already know, having retired from the Dept of Veteran's Affairs, your husband should be eligible as a wartime era veteran for full medical benefits. Encourage him to go for a physical and explain what is going on with him with his agitation, etc. If they perceive a problem they will/can refer him to their outpatient mental health program. Also, if he is diagnosed with something PTSD, depression, etc, he may be entitled to compensation. This is not a welfare program. It is for veterans who served their country and defended our (American people's freedom) He is entitled to this compensation for the sacrifice he made for his country. I strongly encourage you and him to check out the VA website at www.va.gov and look for other benefits he is entitled to. Again - it is NOT welfare - he earned these benefits! Tell him thank you for HIS service to our country.

Goofy

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

lovingwideneedshelp,

Welcome to our support community. It sounds like your husband should speak to someone. He could be suffering from depression, or post traumatic stress disorder, or he could just be down. I can only imagine the effects that being in Iraq would have on a person. Making an appointment and asking your hubby to join you is a good idea. It sounds like he needs to talk to someone.

Let us know how it goes, we're always here for you.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Wife,

It is wonderful that you want to help your husband, he is lucky to have you. Be patient and kind, listen when he talks, don't think of him as lazy, think of him as unable to function. Be willing to support him if he does decide to go to counseling, but do not push him or make his appointments for him. You may want to go yourself to get help with dealing and you can invite him to go if he wants. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" - I know you want him to go to counseling but it will do him no good if he doesn't want to be there. It also does not mean that he'll suddenly get over it.

I guess what I most want to tell you is that depression takes time to overcome. For some of us it never really does away, it becomes a management issue. It may be that your husband has post traumatic stress syndrome. He's been through alot. Processing that has got to be difficult and it's no wonder he has stopped functioning. Consider that he spent the time he was away being "on" all the time. His life was a crisis and now that he does not have to be in that mode he has "shut down".

I know that this does not help that much, but hopefully it gives you a perspective and helps you to understand that he doesn't really want to be like this either. Give him some space to work through what he needs to, keep him mindful of how it affects you and the children, this way he can process those things also. Try to be loving and kind when you tell him, remember that he is really not trying to hurt you with his depression. (I wish my husband could understand that)

I hope that he is able to begin to see what he needs to do to move on with his life soon. Perhaps suggest that he can speak with clergy, his primary doctor or a respected friend. Maybe he should see this site and maybe it would give him an outlet for what is bothering him. These are all suggestions you can make, it will be up to him to accept them.

Hang in there Wife, your love and support are what he really needs even if it doesn't seem like he knows it right now

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1

My husband was in Iraq for a year and a half. Since being home he has been angry, lazy, irritable, and depressed. At first I just thought that was how he was going to be since he felt he had done more then anyone else while being in Iraq. More recently I have started realizing that these are the signs of depression. He hasn't been sleeping at night, he doesn't do anything but go to work and sit in front of the TV. He seems to be doing ok with the kids but gets very angry very easily with our three years old and his constant laziness and bad attitude I'm afraid with rub off on our kids. I've tried talking to him and explaining that I think he is depressed and that I want him to find someone to talk to for his, mine and our kids sake, but he keeps telling me that talking to someone won't help. He won't even consider getting help. I don't want to get angry with him because I know its not his fault. I've even looked up online to find a therapist in our area to go see. I'm thinking about making an appointment and asking him to come with me to it just to get him started but I don't know if he'll go. I love him so much and I know that being in Iraq has put him in this state of mind and I want him to know that life is good and that he doesn't have to be stressed out and angry all the time. I just don't know how. Please help.

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Need helping getting through to my husband