Thank you for the update! I am glad to see she is getting better and that she has stopped pulling the steri-strips out! I guess not having to shower with one leg hanging out is a nice incentive lol.As for old ointments from WWII lol! I am glad she is trucking along and getting her hair done. I do also think you are lucky to still have her. I often miss my grandmothers. I think it is wonderful that not only are you a grandmother but you also have your grandmother with you! So many generations would maek a nice picture! anyway, keep us posted on how you and your lovely grandmother are doing!
I didn't feel like going out there today. But she says her leg is still sore, she's left the steri-strips on this time and she covered it for sleeping as recommended. She was grateful to get all of herself in the shower instead of leaving one leg hanging out (lol) and she has not put any ointment, etc. She has some stuff around there from WWII, I believe (joking) but it is old stuff. She won't let us go through things and toss anything. So she can't put anything on it. She drove herself to get her hair fixed today. Remember this is a small town and her hair place is 1/2 mile away. Most of the places she drives to are not much further than that. I'm grateful to have her in my life as long as I have. What a pleasure, even though I was very frustrated with her pulling the strips off and having to go back to the ER. Thanks for asking!
I think you are very good to your family. And you are right sometimes acceptance is all one can do with a situation. Plus, you love your grandma and take very good care of her. I am glad you came to the realisation that good is good enough since it happens to be true! Please keep us posted. And how is your granny now?
I had to take my grandmother back to the ER this afternoon. She had pulled all the steri-strips off her wound thinking that it was okay and not remembering. She wasn't happy with me, but we joked about it later when they told her that she did need them to keep the wound from reopening.
That was an addendum to the events. An addendum to the feelings. I have identified that my feelings toward my father and my uncle do not warrant my feeling guilty about my grandmother, because I want to do that (take care of her). I have also realized that my feelings for my dad and uncle are justified but that I am powerless to change them or their addiction, attempting to communicate with them regarding this issue would be a futile effort due to the nature of a person with an addiction disorder and that, to quote the Serenity Prayer, I must accept the things I cannot change. Thinking this helps to reduce the resentment I have toward them and maintain my relationship with them. I don't think accepting this is a bad thing. Knowing that I cannot change the way they are, helps me to get rid of the resentment and accept them for who they are.
I would take care of my grandmother even if they were willing and capable. It is their loss that they are not more involved than they are and they have to live with the consequences of their actions.
I am also, as a result of thinking this way, accepting and being confident, as Sylvie said, that I am doing all I can do and that is good enough! I just hate that it takes so long to reach these conclusions....am I off base on my conclusions? Is it a long time?
You are a saint! Your Grandmother is very lucky to have you. She likely will do things for you that she wouldn't do for your dad or uncle. However, this does not mean they do nothing. They should step it up, as well as your cousins.
You may need to take a more directorial role with them, they count you you picking up the slack. For example, your Grandmother's leg was likely not a total emergency. Once you had convinced her to go a call to Dad or your Uncle to take her so you could return to work would have been reasonable.
It is hard to trust others to do what must be done, easier to do it ourselves - that way we're sure it's done right. However, once someone knows that, they usually use it to their advantage, meaning taking advantage of you!!
Some boundaries are necessary here for your sake - let us know how you do with setting some, it will be difficult but worth it.
hello goofy,
wow, is your plate full! at 97 yrs old, can't she have a p/t nurse or something like that? is it possible to come up with a system where the 6 of you all take turns checking in? does your dad at least go to AA? he needs to step up - they all do! you've been so good so long you bet they're taking advantage of you. if you could at least talk to your brother - tell him how you feel and that you've had enough!!!!! you need help and it's not right that they're not giving it. remember to take care of yourself 1st!
Wow it sounds like you have so many people to tak care of and very little help! I believe in assertive communication and all that. I really do. But I do agree with you that in some instances circumstances make things tougher. In your case the fact that they know you won't let your grandma down enables them to slough off all responsibility on you. I really do not know how to solve this as not taking care of your lovely grandma is not an option. I really wish I could say more then just you are in my thoughts and hang in there. I think assertive communication is still worth a try though. I have had relationships where I thought I couldn't get through even with communication and suddenly I did get through and it got better. So hang in there. And you got great advice from people here. And hey, they need to know how you really feel. They might get it and start helping. Anyway, sorry I could not be more helpful.
Goofy,
It sounds like the support you need at this time is not there. Have you expressed the way you feel to your loved ones? It's ok to ask for help, be confident in knowing that you're doing everything you can.
Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator
they might expect the nagging. it might be how they were taught to communicate.
This tone equals important piece of imformation. This repetion means you must get this done now.
My son has ADD without the hyperact so even if he is looking straight at me his thoughts are long gone to a fairy-land and I need certain verbal cues to get him home if it is the week-end and he has not taken his med. Looking at my 10 yr old at 9:30 in class you would think he smoked something something good and the pencil, sharpener and eraser have all come alive for him. A wonderful imagination. very responsible. And excellent with his little sister. But he needs certain cues.
take this am. my husband was upset that cocotte did not want oatmeal for breakfast like the past 49 days. His raised voice cause tigre to cry at the table because he was afraid to say he did not like the squash and almand jam. He expected the raised voice to be turned to him. It would not have been.
I am going round a bit, sorry. all to say that we learn young that tone, volumn, verbal cues, are all important parts of our communication. It is not just the words. So the gentlemen in your life respond to nagging because they were taught at some point that there was a serious consequence to ignoring this final weapon!
