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histrionic

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Rose,

Not at my best tonight but hey, interesting topic Goofy started. I think we never were allowed to be children, that we were expected to know things without the benefit of explanation. I know that I was expected to just "know" what was expected and ended up jumping through hoops for approval. Much like I do now. I don't think any of this was intentional on anyone's part. I do find myself wondering who I would be if I had been brought up with the amount of encouragement and support that would have allowed me to have positive core values. Maybe there's no such thing and even if there is, it's moot now.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 201

hey mom, i used to fantasize that my aunt was my mom. we looked more alike. she had more time for me. the thing with my mom and stepdad, they are great with babies, but once they start growing up they can't deal. they even fostered kids and eventually adopted 5 of them - whole different story - but yeah i grew up feeling easily replaceable? does that make sense? i don't want to be the princess, never was. but always felt like an afterthought. whenever i screwed up it was you should have known better? really, how?? i should have learned by osmosis, never asked questions, cry or god forbid - seek reassurance. i guess i didn't get the positive feedback necessary to trust myself (?)

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Goofy,

I think you are onto something. Too many times I hear my mother or father's voices saying similiar things. Rose, I guess I belong to that club as I was told my feelings hung on my sleeve constantly. Never were you to say how you really felt. Always mask that and pretend something else. I find my parents to be different people now than the ones that raised me. It's like then, they were trying to be "super parents" and model what should be, but never letting me see how to really handle real life. Now I know that they didn't know how to either. They tell me things as an adult that let me know they wore a mask in front of me. If I ever saw failure they blamed something else. I grew up feeling and thinking I was defective because I couldn't get my feelings "under control".

I am told I should have been my aunt's child as I am like her. This aunt suffers from depression - this is why I should have been hers. My parents didn't understand this when I was growing up, neither did I. I knew my aunt could be very negative but I saw that way of thinking. She is a very kind and gentle person, but somehow broken, I related. They do understand now because I don't mince words about my depression and the struggles it causes me. I also will speak for my aunt when she is having problems because she doesn't know how to speak for herself. I'll enlighten my mom on why she does what she does and this helps mom, dad, and my uncle to help her. Maybe my depression is not so much of a curse if it helps my aunt to get what she needs.

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 201

hi goofy - sure it makes sense, but she could also have hidden her feelings from you. was she in her bedroom alot? who knows what goes on behind closed doors. maybe she thought the intensity of her feelings would scare you. i was also told that i got hysterical and blew things out of proportion and exaggerated things. just call us the wearing our hearts on our sleeves club. envy those with the poker faces and the ability to turn it on/off! maybe neither of our mom's could deal with our questions and our needs

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

Goofy,

What an excellent theory, it does make sense...

Members, what do you think?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

for 15 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

I had a revelation. My mother was not one to show her emotions. I can only remember her crying a handful of times in my life, getting mad, or other "negative emotion". She was fun loving, joke telling and lots of fun to be around. Very rarely anything but a sun shiny personality. Obviously not reflective of situations we all go through in life.

I, on the other hand, have always been emotional, showing how I felt, good, bad or otherwise (if you want to label emotions that way). I have not been one to express anger very well or even feel angry for that matter. Though that's really irrelevant to my point.

Mom always told me I blew things out of proportion, got hysterical, etc. I understand now why she would say that, though I bought into it and second guessed myself and my feelings many many many times through the years. She didn't allow herself to express emotions so therefore when I did, I was blowing things out of proportion. You know this may help me quit second guessing my emotional responses to things (as much), if I can recognize it when it is happening. I feel like a lightbulb went off .

feedback? does it make sense? lol, am I blowing it out of proportion?

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