I've been in a war with depression for over 20 years. I have good days/years and bad days/years. The past two years have been bad and now it's even worse. I just don't know where to begin.
A lot has happened. A sibling of mine put our father in a nursing home, bought his house out from under me and then evicted me, turning off the utilities was the first clue (I lived with my father and took care of him for 15 years after my mother passed away), I've had a rocky relationship with present boyfriend, broke up with a really good boyfriend that just didn't want to move in the direction I wanted, am being evicted (again- this time from a non-relative), have gone through the death of an important family member, and am looking for homes for my pets since I can no longer care for them as they need/deserve, and am stuck in an ice pit resulting from the recent winter storm that hit the midwest. Oh, yes, I've been job hunting now for two years and have been employed part-time since mid-October. I just can't seem to find anything out there that is full-time and pays a decent (livable) wage.
I have a lot of anger, hurt, and grief going on inside of me. I just feel as though I'm never going to see the "light at the end of the tunnel". I have nearly given up all hope. I have awakened in the night, for the past two nights, crying. My boyfriend told me to "pull myself up by the bootstraps" and to "buck up". He no longer wants to see me crying and I'm to stop post haste.
(I woke him up last night with my crying thus the insistence that my tears stop now.) He thinks I can just let go of everything all at once and right now. In other words, he's not supportive. That adds to my hurt.
