Wildcat, you have been there for me to slap me to let me know I am being a complete twit and for that I thank you, it is time for me to reciprocate a bit as well, instead of ranting and raving and being in my own psychotic world.
Now the fantasy and role playing are my coping mechanism when realty becomes too unbearable, I do draw the line and it only exists in my home, with my husband. The fantasy may start elsewhere but it always leads me home. I lived there for quite awhile until realty slapped me so hard my head still hasn't stopped spinning.
I don't know, I sometimes get my rocks off to the more intense emotional reactions, I love the two ends ecstatic and anger they make me feel so alive after so many months or years of slumbering in the middle and being exhausted and sad. I enjoy the energy associated with it. I hate the lethargy that I am left with when it is over. I know what you are thinking, I have not been diagnosed with bipolar, I haven't had an "episode" in many, many years.
I would hope that when you go into your manic phases, you enjoy them as much as possible (the positive parts), and remember before the crash that there are those of us out there who love you and will be there to catch you when you crash. Any of the negative parts associated with your manic phase can be forgiven, you just need to find a way to control any negative aspects, medications, CBT or anything else that may help, I used to clean, cleaning was safe (except no gloves and harsh chemicals my hands look old, dry and wrinkly).
Embrace every part of who you are, enjoy the good times, work through the hard times and remember there are always people who love you and want to be with you and help you.
I know, easier to say to someone else, and not so easy to believe for yourself but we can work on it.
Lotsa love
