Hi, guys.
I joined this website two weeks ago, and now I'm doing session 3. Wanted to introduce myself and share some problems I have.
Here is my story. I've been depressed for about 7 years, since the time I was a teenager (now I'm 25). The main reason of my depression is relationships with girls. I couldn't get a girlfireind I liked. I could become friends with a girl, but I couldn't say that I liked her or become closer. For example, there was a girl I liked a lot, and we were really close "friends" for several years (!), but I couldn't tell her anything about my feelings. And then she got a boyfriend. I was really disappointed, but in two months I got a scholarship to study abroad, and I went to a completely different country. With a completely different language and culture. I thought, it could get me a relief. I was trying to study hard at the time, but at one point I realized, that all I do has no sence, doesn't matter how much I achieve in sudies or work, it will not make me any closer to my goals. And that's when I felt into severe depression. After coming to this country, I made a girlfriend in two-weeks time, but I didn't really like her, and kept thinking about that girl back home. So I became very lonely in this new environment. Although I wrote about my feelings to the girl I liked, she rejected me. And then she married another guy. But actually, she told me, that there was time, when she liked me, and if I was a bit faster, then... We sometimes met with her again, and we still exchnge mails sometimes, but we touched this topic only in mails, never in personal conversations. So, I felt myself a real coward, and I hated myself, and I still have this feeling. Although much time passed, I think it will be nescessary for me to talk to her about this. And I have to conquer the complex of communicating with girls I like.
So, I have several concerns. First, because I had a depression for a long time, and in the peroid of life, when you are supposed to develop youself, I think, in many things I still think like a 15 year-old. And I don't know what to do to develop myself. Second, usually, I don't talk with people about these feelings, and I pretend to be nice and happy. I want to talk with somebody about this, but I hesitae to talk about this from my friends, because I dont want to tell them, that I was hiding something for such a long time. I have really smart friends though, and maybe I would feel better if I talk to somebody.
Third, when I started session 2 in this program, the first couple of days everything went smoothly. On the first day I could take myself up from the bed, do yoga, clean up my room, visit a doctor with a skin problem, buy new clothes, go to spa. I felt really good in camparison to what I felt before. I also did on pleasant activity per day, usually going to spa or sitting outside in the sun, reading a book. But then I faced the goals, which are directly related to the causes of this depression. For example: to say something to a girl I don't know; to call the girl I liked before and talk about things, etc. And I constantly procrastinate these things. Is there something I can do to make it easier to achive there goals? (I know, that I have to brake them into smaller steps)
And I have several more questions. Can I try to fight depression on my own or do I have to find a hterapist.? Because, frankly speaking, I don't believe therapists. Maybe there are some good ones, but there are some bad onesas well, who can make it only worse. That's why I prefer doing something on my own, because in this case I can decide, what's good and what's bad for me.
Do you think taking medication is nescessary? I would really not like to. The reason is that I don't
