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for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 201

dear diva, nobody is a superwoman - even the ones who appear to have it all/do it all - i don't believe it. they have handlers, managers, nannies, a team behind them making them look good and superior. you can't do it all. i tried and failed miserably. how can you be promed for others but not for you? you are an other, too. your chemistry is similiar to everyone elses. the trick is to take them every day, like a vitamin, so it builds up in your blood to a constant level. why do you fear addiction and withdrawal so much? i took myself off paxil, tapered down for a week and stopped and yes my brain felt like it was in a blender for a few days, but no longterm bad effects. i am an addict - cigarettes, coffee, peppermint tea - gotta have em. but i don't feel addicted to lexapro or klonopin, dependent on for now but not addicted. let the doctor decide when to go off - that's what they are there for. bugger them numbskulls - lol, gotta remember that one. that's a good one! when i worked at a newspaper in advertising, the managers told us to keep a file on ourselves, all the good comments or contacts or whatever. i felt like a fool, cause i believed like you do, just work hard and people will notice. but they don't because they are too busy covering their own a**e*. stay strong, diva, and honestly take the meds, you'll be better off than you are now - don't be afraid of addiction - a good doctor won't let that happen. yes, alot of these benzos are abused as street drugs, but when they are prescribed for YOU and you are monitored by a good doctor - it's 2 completely different scenarios.

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 456

Hi Diva,

ah that you did not mention. If you have done it before what was the withdrawl you had to deal with and what are the "newer" alternatives? Or are there some trier and tested old time drugs...?

Like for my son and his ADD we have a choice of stuff that is less than 7 years on the market or ritalin??? **we went with Concerta...** newer but more hope

Diva I would never describe you as a whinner.

I just do not remember what you are studing so I do not know why a teacher's recommedation is the determining factor for admission to the faculty. Is it a small school? A very select programme? A very specialized concentration?

(sorry I am a bit confused you teach french, but anxiety meds are part of your studies)

Diva,

To tell the truth you are in a very stressful situation. School is the source of lots of frustration. Your personal relationship might not be as seamless / effortless as you need it to be right now. Finances, Homelife, and the rest seem to all just be in the way somehow. Now in the sense that you have been complaining but that you are having difficulting coping with everything. as though you do not have the the energy to deal with all.

Why can I not make any sense?

Diva, It just feels like this is the season where things are difficult.

I do not want to give you some non-sense lines about how every thing will be better in the morning. You have a lot to deal with. And I could tell you, take things one at a time. Being anxiety driven you will want to deal with 200 things at a time.

**so can i ask that you think about being a superwoman and take care of yourself?**

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Josie,

You are right shutting down is not me. I am stubborn and I will keep working on getting better! I am still discouraged but I will be ok. As for writting letters I will think on it. I am not sure it would help. But I am considering and weighing and if I beleive it can help I will do that. If not I will come up with something. And yes, they should be happy to have me. But they haven't let me in yet, and they don't seem inclined to either. Bugger them, numbskulls! (Sorry I seem to be angry about it atm). I will figure something out. Thanks for your advice and encouragement, it means a lot! As for relaxing, I will later. For now I have too much to do! But I will

Hey Wildcat,

I have done all the research on my meds. Theese meds really are abused often, They are addictive. And I know all the side effects to them, a lot of my research for school had to do with these meds lol. So I know them well. I take them knowing all this. But it irks me to need them. But that is just another of my issues. My therapist calls it my superwoman issues. The issues where I want to be like superwoman and need to depend on nothing but myself lol. But I take them lately and I am working on forgiving them for needed them. As for the side effect and the addixtion, I willl deal with the withdrawal when it is time for me to get off! I have done it before and will do it again!

Hey Rose,

Thanks for saying I am not a whiner or downer. I often feel like one lol. And yeah, life is NOT fair! I agree. I just wish knowing that sat better with me haha!As for the letter, I am not sure yet. I have to figure out if it would help or hinder first. This process is so complicated....

And yeah, things don't always turn out like we planned, I wish that sat better with me too hahahahaha! As for the team player thing. Thanks for sharing with me! Well, I always said I do better one on one then with groups! I am also not good at selling myself. I am not good at saying hey, look at me, see how good I am. I just work hard and assume people will notice. In this case, this way of doing things is not helping me at all! I am not good at singing my own praises. When asked to sing my praise all I find to say is :"Erh I am a hard worker and a good student...: /sigh...As for not being popular, I am sure the anxiety plays into it. I don't think I have social anxiety per say but I think it have little tendencies of it in certain situations. I know my anxiety mekes me look goofy or act funny sometimes. But I am working on it and getting better!

And yes, I am working on my depression, my anxiety, getting my life in order and I am trying to sleep. I have been taking my meds. It still irks me to take them but I do take them. And Rose, I agree I think clearer after a good nights sleep (and when my anxiety is not through the roof!). I am not anti-meds, really. I am just anti-meds for myself lol! That is the worse part! My friends was hesitating to take her meds, I told her to take them she would feel better. And I meant it lol. I told you I have issues hahahaha

! But I am taking everyone's advice and taking my meds as need

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 201

dear diva - you are not a whiner or a downer! and everytime you think it or say it you are doing yourself a disservice! i hate to break it do you - life is not fair! it never was and it never will be. josie, is right, write a letter praising yourself, if you don't do it who will? things don't always work out like we plan. life has a way of rearing it's really strange head sometimes! i know more and more companies want team players, those who not only do their job, but are friendly and social with each other. me, i was never a team player and maybe you aren't either, you don't have to be. the point is you have to keep going on, get back on the horse that threw you. maybe you're not "popular" because you are so stressed out and it shows and people don't know how to help you so they withdraw. deal with your anxiety, and sleep, sleep, sleep if you can. everything seems a little bit better and you're thinking is always clearer after a good sleep - hang in there, diva

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 12049

Diva,

You did work hard and you do deserve this! Do not shut yourself out or down, because this is not who you are! Start writing a letter to the Dean, your teachers and others who will listen! You are doing this for all the right reasons and to make a difference! This is a great example and they would be happy to have you!

Shut the books for a couple of hours, write a heartfelt letter and relax your mind and body after that. You have working very hard and you do need a break!

Josie, Health Educator

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Sorry for venting again and sorry for whining and being a downer and for not answering anyone today.

I worked so hard. I made the dean's list! And I still might not get into the program I want. Why? Because it is not about good grade, it is about a popularity contest. It is about who sweet talks the teachers best! What is the point?

Why do I work so hard? Can anyone at all tell me what the stupid @!#$%?& point is? Cause I don't know. All I know is I worked really hard and it makes no difference! I worked so hard! So what is the point!?!

I don't know what to do anymore. I was taught if you work hard you get here. I am not popular. I don't impress people that way. I work hard, that is what I do. And now it is not enough. What is the point?!?

There is none. I am so tired...so tired. I just wanted to keep studying, that is all I wanted. I wanted to be a teacher and do research and some clinical work. I wanted to make a difference. If they let me in I could do this. I do well in school, I am a good student. But I can't prove it if I don't get a chance...So what is the point? I am so tired of all this. I just wanted my chance and I probably won't get it... I don'T know what to do anymore...

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 201

wise wildcat! i'm with you on this one

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 456

Diva,

Have you spoken to the pharmacist about your fear of addiction to this particular medication? Or to you Doctor? Addiction is not just a chemical dependance but a mindset/way of thinking.

I have read a lot of nonsense about how anti-depressants are additive. (my memory the way it is i cannot remember which site gave the study... i'll look it up...) In the sense that without it the body is miserable. THat is not true. This is withdrawl syndrome but people are able to function without the anti-depressant after ... that is why so many are able to try different TYPEs of anti-depressants for depression before finding one that works.

I have not seen a bunch of fake-depressives looking for their high yet.

all this rambling to point out that your anxity meds might have a time-lime, doses, and thinking errors attached to the level of addiction. You need to become the expert on the this type of little pill. See what the manufacturer has to say about their product (they do Not want to be siued). See what the person who sold you the pills has to say. See what others who are taking this stuff have to say (CrazyMeds is one place on the net).

Your fears feed your anxiety.

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 955

Diva,

It sounds like you are on the right track with taking things one step at a time. Keep reminding yourself that you can do this and when your body/mind is ready, you will start to feel more energized and more like yourself. Continue to focus on the positive aspects of your life and remind yourself of these when you are starting to feel tired or anxious.

Sarah, Health Educator

for 17 år siden 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Rose.

Thanks for the replies. It means a lot. I teach. I teach French to governement worker who need it for work. I thus teach to adults, mostly on an individual basis. I only have one student for now. i might get more as time goes. Not sure. It pays well per hour and I have done it before. It is a good job for me for now. What i really want is to manage to get into the doctorate's program.As for my mom, yes I am super lucky to have her, she is the best! I love her! I know I am tired and not lazy or lame but I feel as if I am...But you are right. And yes, I graduated. That is something nobody can ever take away from me. As for my graduation. I did not stay to socialize not mostly because I was anxious so much as I was exhausted. The ceremony was so long. I just couldn't wait to get home to my pyjamas! lol. But I did socialize some while I was there. I doubt I will every agree to take the anxiety meds on a daily basis but I am taking it as needed at the moment until I get to my meeting. For me that is a lot. But I intend to cut back as my life calms down. But I do agree the meds can help so thanks for reminding me

Hey Breanne,

I am feeling a bit better today. I am trying to focus on one thing at a time as Rose had suggested! I do have a lot on my plate. I feel like I have the to-do list from H**l in my head running at all times! It is exhausted and stressful. But I am trying to take some deep breaths and take it one goal at a time. So I am trying to prioritize and organize. Being so tired and overwhelmed makes it tough though. I just don't feel normal. I am less focused, more emotional, I have less concentration, less energy, more tired, more anxious, less productive, more clumsy, well you get the point. And I HATE it! I want ME back!!!But you are right I cand do this. One thing at a time!

Hey Wildcat,

Thank you for giving me a new perspective

. You are right, if I could get that hug now, it would be great!

Today went well up to now. I got up, got ready. I even put some good music on as I got ready. I also bothered to dress pretty. My class went well. My student seems nice. It was our first class together. I think it will go well. I felt relatively at ease which is nice. Now I am home and I will prepare for tomorrows meeting, I wish I had more energy for it and less stress. I might have to take an anxiety pill.I feel like a pressure cooker that is about to blow. My mind is racing with the to-do list from h**l and it is hard for me to focus. I just really want this meeting to go well. But I hate taking the pills. I know how bad it is to abuse those. I also know they create adiction. Bleh! But hey my day went well and now I will go prepare for tomorrow! Focus on the positive!

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