I have been reading your stuff and have really enjoyed hearing about your progress. I am also glad that you had a good day! I love your little anecdote about your son and him seeing a "sting ray". Kids do say the darnest things! They really do bring laughter to our lives, if we let them.
Deb, don't know where you live....but all those beautiful flowers sound awesome. I'm glad you had a good laugh and enjoyed playing with your son. I, too, have learned to appreciate the small things in life....the simple things that give us pleasure are not out of our reach, but very near and dear to us. Thanks for sharing that story. I could envision myself there, the music, the wading pull, the weather and the flowers and plants.
But everyday is getting a little better I think. After watching lots of things die in my garden from my lack of ability to get to it, I spent a wonderful day outside planting and weeding. A first in 6 months. It was a lovely 70 degrees here today, and I needed to go smell the earth, dig my hands into it, and nutrure some plants. Ferns, Camillia's, Oxalis, Iceland Poppys, renunclus, pansys, bare root roses, delphiniums......... It was a beautiful day, and I tried really hard to just focus on the moment. No worry about past or future.
I live on a creek and my neighbor has a 5 year-old son too. He had my son and his down in the creek building a wading pool. I could hear folk music wafting from his house, and the kids laughing. I heard my son yell, "Oh no!!!!! I see a sting ray!!!!" Which is impossible. So I laughed really hard for the first time. Walked over and we all played in the creek.
I didn't manage to get any of those things done..... woke up at noon again. BUT, I was able to get into the shower and go to my kindergartner's valentines party at school. Seeing the look on his face when I came in was so worth it! I was also able to go get groceries. I think the medicine I'm taking is starting to work. I don't feel much better, but my energy levels are coming up. Today was able to get up by 10:30.
So that's my check in for today. Still using my activity/mood tracker and it's interesting to see some patterns there.
Welcome cvdeb. You've come to the right place. It's always good to hear from others to affirm what you're feeling, get ideas or inspiration to help you get out of the hole you're in or just being able to comfort someone else with your understanding. Looks like you're making strides already and that's such a positive sign!
Still struggling but managed to do my activity login for the day. I was also able to shower and go into work for 2 hours which was a hug accomplishment. I feel slightly hopeful. I'm on my second day of the antidepressant, and haven't felt any huge side effects, but did notice as I was driving the 40 minutes to work, that I was starting to see colors again. I remember that when I had to take an antidepressant in '91, that that was the first thing I noticed when the medicine started working. I could see colors again. So that is why I'm feeling hopeful.
I'm really trying. I'm hoping to get outside tomorrow and do things around the yard. I also really want to do some dishes. Things are so hard. There's so much more that I really need to do, but I thought that perhaps I should only try to do what I can handle. So far that hasn't been much. Not being able to do much is adding to the depression. It really is a downward spiral.
But here's the thing. I know I will get better. I know it's really hard right now, but I know it's going to get better if I can reach out, and take care of my own business. I'm super okay working the program, of course want things to be better right now!, but know that that's not how it works. So if you all can bear with me, I will be writing everyday because that's what I need to do.
. It was a beautiful day, and I tried really hard to just focus on the moment. No worry about past or future.
