Sorry you're going through so much right now! You sound like you have a very good mindset for your tough times, though, and I'm sure your family is very grateful for that. And I'm glad you're here for support right now. Try not to dwell too much on regret; you're trying very hard right now and that counts for a lot.
Hey Ashley, Thanks for the reply of encouragement. I needed it. I found out this morning that my oldest son (stepson really but I'm the only dad he's really known and boy did I screw that up) was commited to a crisis intervention facility yesterday. Great huh? Then my youngest grandchild he's 4 months was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. I can't believe everything has happened at one time. But you know what. I have found it in me to support them and forget about my problem somewhat. I know they need me and I'm going to be there no matter what!!! I can't forget about my problem cause when I'm not near them it creeps back into my head, but I feel I have some of the knowledge of the tools to use to keep my head straight. I don't want them to see me fall apart. A quick note about my wife. I have had 4 bypasses,2 mini strokes TIA ,and 7 stents implanted along with several heart attacks. (myocardial infarctions) My wife has literally watched me pass twice . If she is not the strongest woman on the planet I can't imagine who is! I was very afraid this time around because she had made a comment one day that she couldn't go through this again. I've found out very differently. She noticed months ago without telling me that she new where I was headed. When I finally came apart she was right by my side doing everything she could to get me help and support me. I know that I can support her through any crisis and I will! This latest one with the boys is just a drop in the bucket compared to what she has been through with me. I didn't smoke,or drink for many years. I'm not overweight and never had high blood pressure. It all was heredity. I'm only 50 years old but years of 16 to 20 hour days 6 or 7 days a week has taken it's toll. My wife says that I've been rode hard and put up wet. Only problem is I was the one doing the riding. 30 years of that and dreams of early retirement took me away from my family and now what do I have?
That is great that you noticed an improvement after the homework. Don't let anything take away from that improvement. Yes, you may not be at the place you were before but that is ok. It takes time and every improvement big or small should be celebrated. Even set backs can be celebrated for the learning they create.
You are certainly at the right place. I had a good feeling when I read from you too! Welcome to the family.
Good Morning K13 & Ashley! Thanks for the welcome messages. I too have never seemed to truly get over the first episode. Like you say it just floats in and out. I didn't have much trouble dealing with that. When it knocked me down to feeling completely worthless and incompetent and then a fear of everything, I new I was in trouble and couldn't handle it on my own. Ashley as far as what motivated me was the fact that I know I need help,structure and support. The Docs and therapists didn't need to tell me that. I knew. I've been home for one week and I'm feeling better after doing the homework that they gave me to take home from the hospital. But (yes there's always that BUT) I'm not near what I want to be or have been in the past. I happened to be guided to this site and shortly after reading what it is about and how it is conducted I had a very good feeling inside. That little voice said this is where I need to be! So here I am and I hope to get to know everyone better and help them by my experiences. I know they will help me by theirs. Have a great day and it's time to do some homework!
Hey, Fixit! Glad to have you aboard. :) Depression really does like to hang around and make unwanted reappearances; I feel like mine's kind of always been present since the first time, just fading in and out from the background. I wish you luck with your current situation. This is a good resource to have!
Hope to see you around the forums! It'd be great to hear more about your experiences, current and past!
What you learned from your past experiences will help you. This program and the support group will help you as well. Be sure to make a schedule of when you plan to work on the program and stick with it. Reward yourself for completed sessions. Also, post often, many members can offer great advice and support.
I hope that sounds upbeat and happy. I'm here for the same reason everyone else is. (more or less) I suffer from MDD and as some of you know it's not pleasant. I've been hospitalized twice. Once 7 years ago and I thought I had it beat forever. Turns out I was wrong and it came back with a vengeance. Just got back out for the second time and I'm starting over at square one basically. I hope my experiences can be of help to some of you as I know yours will be to me. Think good thoughts and I'll be talking with you!
Welcome to the family.
