I think I know the answer, but my question is why and how to bounce back.
I slipped on eating good, lots of bad carbs. Not running, working out on a regular basis, drinking coffee and even though it's diet soda which is still bad I;m drinking that too!
And what happened? I dont want to get up, have a bad attitude. All my recent efforts and things I have going on seem meaningless. I just plain hate it lately. STILL need the hug.
I'm supposed to go shopping for new interview clothes and just cant get myself to go. I would drive to the light rail station, half a mile, then take the bust the next 4 miles since I wont drive it yet. It upsets me a lot. Next week I can do more exposure work, since I can buy gas. I have been doing a little better on this. I just add that here, since it bums me out.
I guess there is good going on, it just seems like there isn't a lot of the time. I read a lot about counting my blessings, but at the same time it's hard to deal with the loss and the things that are going on in my life right now. If that makes sense. It seems like everywhere I turn I am reminded of my recent past etc. I'm glad I am in some contact with my kids, but I dont see them and a lot of that is due to driving. I really dont have a relationship with them right now and I miss them.
I still feel lost in life right, in a state of shock. I really need to learn how to be who, how and what I would like to be. I want to be confident and I still think I'm a "dork" in a way. It's why when I talk I feel like what I say is dump, so I dont talk much.
I used to be so assertive, confident, successful and happy. I don't know what happened to that guy.
Lonely really sucks!
But, I will continue trying. Im quitting caffeine etc.again and trying to get back in to a better routine again. I will really try to follow the schedule I have for the week. The past few weeks it all fell apart. I plan my week with the intention of doing the activities and most of them I have missed.
