Haven't been here is ages, things seemed to be going pretty well. I have been off my meds for about 7 months now. I had quit my awful job invloving shift work. But recently things have been getting a bit much again, and I am so afraid of slipping back into the place I was early last year. The problem is that it is my circumstances and taking meds is not going to make them better. I have financial problems, health problems, family issues. I feel overwhelmed and lost and some days really don't see the point of all this struggling and trying so hard just to end up where I started. I keep hoping life will get better, but no luck thus far. I don't have money to pay a phsychologist, although I could probably use it. I have no real friends who know me well enought for me to talk to about this. My husband is sick of my moaning and actually, seems pretty depressed himself, so I feel like I can't burden him with my true feelings. My doctor has told me I need to decide whether I wanto to have a baby before we have complications, and I feel I couldn't possible cope with that if I still feel like such a mess. I have constant anxiety and IBS, I have a phobia that is interfering in my day to day life and just feel generally some days that life is just too much. I don't see much point in any of it. I don't want to kill myself, but maybe just dissappear quietly and not have to deal with everything. What can I do when it is my circumstances that are bringing me down??
