Rosie, I haven't followed this whole thread so I may be out of line. I'm rendering an opinions here......
You are not responsible for anyone else's behavior but your own. Nothing you do gives anyone permission or an excuse to do something that harms you in any way. Nor should you look for a reward for doing good things. Just be you, depression, anxiety and all, work each day at getting better - some programs say - one day at a time. Try not to project into the future.
In my opinion trust, once it is breached is hard to re-establish, but it can be done. You cannot reestablish it alone with controlling behavior (if that is actually what you are doing - I don't know - you just mentioned it). He has to be willing to do his part to reassure you that you can trust him again and you have to have that commitment that you'll be receptive to his gestures and actions in that regard (all of them).
It kind of goes along with the above - you can't pull someone down with your depression. Your behavior is yours, his is his. He can be happy and you be depressed. I'ts okay.
Who can you be yourself with? I think with any of us - it's only us. People with and without depression. We have to be true to ourselves, and we are constantly changing and evolving and learning and growing and we have to see this too. I think some of us tend to focus on the negative aspects of who we are - there is so much more to each of us than our anxiety, depression, etc. We are loving caring compassionate, intelligent people (you get the idea). Don't lose sight of those aspects of who you are!
I hope you have luck with the doctor and get treatment that will help you feel better.
One more opinion, I know from experience it's hard to keep from doing it. Don't try to have a serious conversation with someone who is drinking and/or drunk. It will 9 out of 10 times end up in an argument. Save it till morning. Then start. It doesn't save an argument necessarily but you are arguing with someone more rational.
Hang in there and hope I was helpful in some way! We are here for you!