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I´m new and not really sure where to start

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

LilyElsa

I don't have allergy issues so I cannot relate. However, have you tried Tai Chi. It isn't aerobic but it's great. Check it out if you haven't already.

I also know the first time I exercises (after I got out of the bed with the depression) I walked 3 min. I called my son (adult) and I was crying to him that I only walked 3 minutes. He said why are you crying. I said I can't walk but three minutes (out of breath, tired, weak, etc.). He said that's great - 3 min, now walk 3 min. later today and then three minutes later. It's better than nothing. I did follow his advice. That 3 minutes was better than no minutes. Keep that in mind when exercise is mentioned. I was walking at a snail's pace for that three minutes.

Hang in there and let us know how it's going! Look forward to hearing what you find out about the Tai Chi. I would also love to hear about being a veggie. I can't seem to get there though I know it would be healthier diet. Suggestions?

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 14

Goofy,

Once again, thank you. Big help. I didn't know that all of those things helped. I've been veggie for the last eleven years so I'm pretty good at getting fruit and veg into my diet. I'm not so good at the exercise part. Having ashma makes it difficult.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

LilyElsa

Parenthood - it's the most awesome thing - however, we all make mistakes and have difficulty believing they grew up and are or did become independent adults. I think the greatest things parents can give a child are self-esteem, self-confidence and self-efficacy, stability. Often times things that a parent thinks is teasing can last a lifetime. Often giving advice and/or not showing that the child has the ability to think independently. (mom used to call me when I was 40 to tell me it was going to snow, I needed to bundle up and drive slowly). Well, at 40, I was okay with it. At 20, I was processing it as she doesn't think I have enough sense to put on a coat???? lol It just meant she loved and cared about me. I think you've got us(parents) pegged. Things will change somewhat when you get out of school, then more when you get married, and a bit more when you have children. We all grow and change. The fact is, that your parents seem to genuinely love and care for you and that is something for which you should be grateful.

I am so glad that you realized that he was abusive and to whom he was abusive and were able to approach him and tell him. Good for you. It sounds like you are taking positive steps to accept the situation and see it in a different light.

There are some great ways to challenge your negative thoughts (about you) in the sessions. Also remember that you are unique and lol, look around aren't we glad we are who we are!!!

Weight loss - shoot, I'm a couple of decades older I'd guess - they say a woman gains 10 lbs per decade and I'm keeping up. I've been successful at eating smaller meals, drinking water before I eat and with meals, eating more slowly, and keeping the portions smaller (not different - I eat what I want) I just don't eat as much of it. Diet wise, i hate to sound like an old lady, but go by the USDA Food pyramid or whatever is available to you and eat lots of vegetables, little process foods, and snack on fruit. It tells you all and you can even track what you eat there (lol, like who has time for that!). I think it is healthier to lose weight slowly so be patient. If you have too much of something, just don't give up, next meal, back to quitting when you are full. It works for me. I'm 30 lbs lighter and still going. lol trying not to be in that 10 lb per decade thing!

Please work these sessions on challenging your negative thoughts - it really helps. It's time-consuming but well worth your time. work at your own pace!

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 14

Goofy,

That actually really does help. My mother, bless her, thinks that it's because I am young that I feel things so intensely. But youth doesn't necessairly equal naivity. I certainly don't for one minute think I am as naive as she thinks I am, but I think that parents tend to want to see their children as innocent and unspoilt forvever.

Things are somewhat better now. I told him exactly what I though and that his behaviour was emotionally abusive to not only me, but also the rest of the house and that seemed to sink in.
The guy that left you a few days after your birthday seems to be a typical guy- clueless when it ocmes to feelings. But if he lies to you about loving you because he feels it is the right thing to do, he's not right for you.

I have issues with my self-esteem, so I don't really think about my good qualilties, just the negative ones. I sort of need to lose some weight (I am a British size 16) and I hate that. The one thing that I really like about myself (don't laugh) are my feet. They're a bit big, but still appear to have the gift of baby skin.
Incidently, does anyone have any tips on how to lose weight (apart from exercise, got that already)?

Thanks,

LilyElsa

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

LilaElsa

I understand feelings feeling enormous. Not a fun way to be. I get overwhelmed with emotions and try to sort them out. I sit and cry for no reason or at least I can't come up with one and that drives me crazy too. It's good that you can identify your feelings. It took me a long time to get to where I could put a name on an emotion. Can you identify the thoughts behind them?

I also want to say that not all counselors are good. Some graduated in the bottom of their class, scored low on the certification test and are barely counselors, let alone good ones. The other thing about counselors are that even the good ones - not every counselor fits an individual. It took some time for me to find the "right one". Someone with whom I could share thoughts, feelings, etc with feel comfortable and get some feedback to help me work through things.

That being said. The best thing I ever did was stumble on to this place searching for answers. I started off wanting everything fixed right away. I learned that wasn't possible and went back and started working each session slowly and meticulously.

I know a break up hurts and I once had a relationship which I thought was going to last a life time and there was someone else in the picture. He told me(on my 40th birthday) that he loved me and then two days later there was someone else. I asked him why? He said because he didn't want to ruin my birthday (lame excuse, looking back I laugh) at the time I was devastated and couldn't understand. I, begged, pleaded and cajoled to get him to reconsider and follow "our" dreams. He wasn't interested and it took a long time for me to accept that internally in my thoughts and reconcile my feelings about him. But I did do it and now - well, I thank God for unanswered prayers. I'm glad they found each other and we've actually become long-distance friends.

I think it is important that we take a step back and look at the situation. I know easier said than done. There is a list of questions that the moderators have in our tools as well as post occasionally, I wish I could remember them. I think it would help you with this situation.

Anyway, getting to that point of acceptance is hard, losing someone even if it is because they moved on, is a grieving process, allow yourself time to feel those emotions. Not everyone feels them in a specific order or for a specific time frame. It's good that you know what you are feeling and it is okay to feel that way.

It sounds as if you have a lot more going for you with your education and compassion (what are some of your other positive traits?)

I hope this helps some.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 14

Hi Jonie,

My councillors have tried pretty much everything. My first councillor tried to get me to focus on the fact that I wasn't in the worset situation, I wasn't caught up in war, I hadn't been raped etc. But to be honest I felt a lot like she was trying to change my feelings, which didn't work, rather than trying to help me work things out. My doctor then referred my to the NHS mental health sevices and placed me in a CBT course. My councillor tried to get me too talk about things, and I talked and talked and talked and all the emotions that I had held in I could no longer hold in. Sadly now I can hold nothing in, which is annoying. The islands and meditation techniques didn't really work. The next counsellor I managed to make cry. She tried to teach me meditation to, but it didn't really work. Nothing realy has. Every emotion I feel I tend to feel in excess and has no moderation.

At the minute because of this break up, I feel sooo sad at the loss of him and the things we planned together- kids and marriage etc. And there is also a new girl which doesn't help (since I live in a student house with him) who I believe he really, really likes. I just though that since I have tried everything else, I would give this a shot, because atm I have nothing else to lose.

Thanks for taking an interest.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 5

It sounds like things are tough for you right now, especially with your long-term relationship ending :(

If you don't mind me asking, what have your counsellors tried with you? There are many kinds of therapy for depression, and counsellors vary widely in skill and the amount of training they've had. Have you considered seeing someone else?

I hope this forum makes you feel a little less lonely and isolated :)

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1044

Hi LilyElsa (again)

Sounds like you've got alot on your plate. School, depression, frustration and difficulties finding treatment. I think that it has been so helpful to be here in my quest for peace of mind with my depression. I think taking my time with the lessons and posting lots and lots in this forum, getting the feedback, sharing the pain, is a big part...just knowing someone can relate and understand.

I hope you find the same peace and progress that I have. I've used the blog, the daily reporting, and found an inspirational video. I encourage you to take advantage of the totality of this site!

Keep posting!!!!!

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi LilyElsa,

Welcome to our DC forum. You have found yourself a great option by joining our online support group. Whenever you feel like there is no one around, simply login to this site. You will find many members here that can relate to what you are going through, find support and learn what has and has not worked for others going through similar situations. It is a safe and supportive place to share your feelings, frustrations, challenges and triumphs!

Many people have mentioned the CBT to be very helpful. Where to start? I suggest going through our depression program. Start with the tabs on the L side of the main page and you can work your way through the negative thoughts and challenging those thoughts. Although it is not easy to do, I think you will find it helpful in your journey to wellness.

Check in with us often!

Vincenza, Health Educator

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 14

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this site and not really sure what's relevant and what's not. I don't quite know what to say to introduce myself, so I'll start with the basics (excuse the bullet points, but I'm not great at expressing emotion or myself);

I have clinical / biological depression;

My long-term relationship just ended;

My councillors have completely run out of options (they have no idea what to do with me);

I have had CBT before;

I am trying this because I need to be able to hope that someday thngs will get better;

I'm kinda lonely and isolated atm because no-one seems to know what I'm going through.

I like reading and writing and am trying to complete a degree in English Literature.

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I´m new and not really sure where to start