I am only 26 but have been struggling with depression for over two years already. The thought of this daily anxiety and hopelessness is ... well, it's depressing! The funny thing is, nobody in my life except my boyfriend (whom I live with, and who gets to see me on those awesome days where I'm laying on the bathroom floor crying while the shower is running), has any idea that I'm depressed, to the point where I was hospitalized last year for suicidal behaviours (and am better about that now). It's embarrassing, and I'm ashamed of it. I put on a public face for people, where everything for me is a joke. I'm still the popular girl who has mountains of self-esteem, a huge support network and more than anything, has it all together. I'm laid back and don't care about much, really ... or so they think. In reality, I'm constantly ruminating about my negative thoughts of choice (they never seem to get old, despite how unwanted they are), feeling like I'm not as good as the people around me and I always I feel like the good things in my life are a split second from being stolen away from me because I don't deserve them. I'm living in a new city where I have no support network, working in a new job that I hate, and that self-esteem I used to have? Well, if anybody finds it, please let me know as I would like it back now, thanks. I think the most ironic thing of all is the intense jealousy I've developed for people who seem happy. I wish more than anything that I could have their confidence; their ease. Hopefully this program helps me!