Spend all day every day writing, making music and sleeping whenever I want to.
What's stopping me? The inconvenient need to earn a living, as I do none of these things well enough to make money from them. Apart from sleeping, but I don't know of any professionals in that field.
I often get caught up in worrying about the large scale consequences of my actions that I do not allow myself to do things I like.
I do not own a car which would allow me to go hiking or get out of the city because I worry about the emissions contributing to global climate change and all of its adverse effects. I feel really great when I spend some time in nature, but I rarely permit myself to go on trips.
I do not like to spend money on beauty because I do not think it is fair to indulge in frivolity when other people struggle against so many injustices to meet their basic needs. However, I often feel self-conscious when I know I am the only person not wearing make-up or when people assume I am in high school when I graduated a decade ago.
I know that trying to live by these rigid principles I set for myself is debilitating and stagnating. When I do indulge in these activities, I feel like a hypocrite. I've been trying to challenge these negative thoughts and not be so hard on myself, however some days I still feel tremendous guilt.
