Samantha, Health Educator

I find that I cry when I think about or talk about my present situation (which has really been going on for years).   I feel so trapped by where I am and that I'm alone.   I have a financial struggle, so being where I want to be is not an option.  I'm still so "damaged" by my ex-h, that I fear men in general.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to work through this one.   Anyway, whenever I think about my financial situation or the fact that I'm alone and probably always will be, I just start to cry.   Doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with, the tears just start to flow.   Ironic thing is that for years I couldn't cry, even when I felt like I needed it.   The tears weren't there.    It's so very frustrating.

LOL! Ok, after that long-winded post, what I think I wanted to say is this:
 
I think I randomly cry (sometimes over 10-20 times per day, sometimes in the middle of the grocery store) for absolutely no reason at all other than the chemical soup in my brain being the wrong mix (too much of something, not enough of something else).
 
However, Ashley's question of really focusing on what you are feeling at that time, and maybe keeping a little log about when the crying spurts happen, what you were doing at the time, who you were talking to, listening to, watching, thinking about etc, may help. Maybe you will start to see a pattern to the crying that is not apparent to you now.
 
Maybe you will find (after a week or so of logging the little "events") that your crying really is tied to certain things (people, thoughts, feelings, etc.).
 
I am more than pleased that 25 mg of Lamictal took away the tears for me, but that certainly won't work for everyone.  Maybe, as you make out a little "crying log" or chart, you will find that the crying is not really related to anything at all (like me). Either way, this info would be helpful to both you and your doctor.
 
Please let us know what you learn as you progress through working out this issue. As a fellow random crier, I love gathering more info on the topic. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Hi Goofy,
 
"No matter how hard I try to figure out the underlying cause or emotions or thought, I can't figure it out."
Me too!
 
" There's not an answer....I am and I have to accept it."
I agree. This fits me too. I just accept it and move on. I tried ignoring it for over a year, and that didn't work, so now I am on meds and getting additional help which is working a bit. I think some people think "accepting it" means pretending nothing is wrong and ignoring the problem. For me, it means acknowledging the problem and doing something about it.
 
I know exactly what you mean about side effects. Last month I had so many that I felt the bad depression was better, and I was ready to give up meds altogether. I complained to the doc and he changed the meds. I am only on 25 mg of Lamictal (a very, very low dose) and it is enough to stop the crying the help with the depression. So far, because of the low dose, I have no side effects. I am scared to go higher!
 
I wish I could fight this without meds, but so far the meds have been the most effective thing. I am sure each person is different and may find that talk therapy or exercise or a diet change is all that it takes to change their mood. I kept trying all those things and more the past year, but to no avail.
 
I sure wish I knew why we do that random crying.  So if the random crying is about the "Subconscious attempt[ing] to avoid the real emotion," then how do we figure out what those "real emotions" are? It seems a great mystery to me.
 
 I think, for some people, their depression might be related to feelings about negative life situations or events, but I think for me, the depression is more chemical in nature. I am imagining/guessing that if your depression is related to a life situation or event (and less of a pure chemical issue), then the activities here at the depression center, talk therapy, and more may make a huge difference and meds may be needed only minimally if at all. However, if your depression is more chemically based, independent of life situations or events, then I am guessing/theorizing that meds may be your first line of defense.
 
For me, I have no negative life events or situations to explain the sever depression, and after much research and asking around, I got my family to reveal that my father and older sister are bipolar and my older brother suffers from MDD. Since they never mentioned it before, I had no idea. The stigma behind mental health issues prevented me from learning important info that I needed. So based on my personal situation, I have a strong suspicion that I am fighting a genetically inherited chemical issue. My doc diagnosed me as bipolar II, so this probably means meds are best for me (plus other helpful things).
 
I just wanted to say all of that so you knew that I wasn't just advocating doping up on meds. I definitely agree with the idea that each person's depression is so unique to them, and they need to work with their doctor to evaluate which course of action would be the best.
 
Even though I will be sort of med dependent for the long-term (due to the bipolar issues), I firmly believe in doing everything to help myself, which is why I am here at the depression center. I am on the goals section now and fining it helpful. I hope, wherever you are in the program, you are finding much success too!

Subconscious attempt to avoid the real emotion.  I'm going to have to think on that one.  Sometimes I don't feel anything, I just sit here and tears will get in the corner of my eyes and maybe a song with will come on and that will kick start a thought or feeling and then it goes from there with what I'm feeling and I can "change the channel of my mind with that one - switch to thinking about something else.  Sometimes, I just cry and I cant' put a finger on it at all, sometimes a few days later it will hit me.  Oh, mom and dad's birthdays will be this week (both in same week). So I attribute it to that and the emotions related to that.  Usually even if I am by myself, I am embarrassed that I can't seem to not cry.  Sometimes I cry over nothing at all.  No matter how hard I try to figure out the underlying cause or emotions or thought, I can't figure it out.  I try to equate it to answering "why am I depressed". There's not an answer....I am and I have to accept it.  I will try to focus on what am I feeling  vs. thinking. 

Hi Goofy,
 
I just wanted to share that I have had this happen too. In fact, just about 2 weeks ago, I would start crying randomly, with no reason at all, throughout the day. The crying spells would only last a few minutes and pass as quickly as they came. I was baffled about them, so I called my psych doc. I ended up going in and getting my meds changed, and now the issue is gone.
 
Ashley, if I were to answer you question about what am I really feeling when I had those crying spells, I would say confusion about why I was crying in the first place. It was just so random and nonsensical. Since the only change I made was the meds and the problem went away, I am guessing it had something to do with brain chemical wonkiness.  : )
 
 Goofy, just hang in there and know that it happens to many of us, and it can get better. Your situation may be different than mine since I truly believe I wasn't trying to communicate with anyone. I was just having some hardware issues with the gray matter up there.
 
 

Ashley, Health Educator