I have always had relationships issues as far back as I can recall especially in school with not being able to trust anyone because I remained such a target for bullies and becoming the subject of ridicule. Also because inside I have a significant inferiority complex. Therefore as man I have become very dysfunctional and bleak concerning my relationships such as just waiting for an person who I have come to know and love abandon or turn against me. In the very small graduate program I landed myself in quite a bit of hot soup in terms of how I chose to interact with people... a lot of such indiscretions was related to alcohol use and abuse, which I have stopped, have one year of sobriety, and still am seeking help and doing character work for. I have to admit I must give myself credit, but I still have a great deal of trouble with the patterns of feelings that I had before I took these steps. I have very many problems and appear to be making the same mistakes with women.
For example, I became close to a young lady who I was mentoring in the class below me (there are two classes, first and second year). We hit it off excellent, seemed to have a lot in common, and were totally comfortable around each other. I had no intention of taking advantage of this relationship we cultivated together. However I did become attracted to her and she in an opaque way seemed to reciprocate. She seems to have someone already. While yes I do not...
Recently I proposed we should have lunch and shoot the breeze perhaps I was too pressing about it. (I asked before we returned from winter break and then followed up after we arrived back). She exhibited some evasiveness and rescheduled and then canceled right when we were supposed to meet for lunch at the appointed time. It was disconcerting to me, but I DID NOT revert to any of the behaviors or actions I would have applied before I became sober and whatnot. Her excuse seemed highly questionable "I have to do research over lunch." Right... However subsequently all her faults and what I find disagreeable about her, have ballooned in my mind. I feel some discomfort when we are in the same social setting and feel like I have to avoid her in order to deter myself from expressing or implying how I'm frustrated with her or possibly I am employing the VERY CHILDISH tactic of "I'm upset at what you did to me so I'm going to act passive-aggressively toward you." Perhaps it is both. Anyway this is really preoccupying me mentally wayyyyyyyy too much. It happened over two weeks now. My feelings and pride are hurt.
I just completed Step 4 and have identified this with cognitive distortions "mind reading," "predicting the future," "personalization," and "emotional reasoning." What I can do to get over this and move on???
