It's been 5 weeks since the loss of our beloved pup Sage and it's hard to believe that much time has passed already. I still expect her to greet me in the morning or see her looking out the window. I'm doing better with the loss and all the losses this past year as I have allowed myself to go through the stages of grief. I can finally see some light at the end of this depression cycle. I still have great difficulty leaving the house, but, I do try to a couple times a week. Exercise is also a tough one apart from some stretching and playing with the dogs but I do more around the house and though it isn't a lot it is still a step forward.
Thanks jdoe for your thoughtful condolences. I do appreciate it a lot.
Keep on trucking folks. It can only get better if we allow ourselves permission to feel good and feel joy.
Still meeting my goal of getting out the door every morning and going for a daily walk. Replacing the negative thoughts with the positives again. The forum threads seem to be coming up very slowly now so I will post again when I have the time to hang around and wait it out for a while..
I never did get outside yesterday. Kept coming up with excuses. I am pretty miserable. Someone came over from my group yesterday. what was I supposed to do? Turn them away? I really wanted to though. I can barely tolerate him. I wonder if those things are worse when depressed: the inability to say no? The worsening ability to tolerate people for their shortcomings? I really wish I had the gumption to tell this person to get lost. Still, it at least got me off my hind end and gave me excuse to get dressed and tidy up. Is shortened temper a symptom of Depression?
Replaying the sad negative thoughts in my head was a problem again yesterday. They stem from negative core beliefs from the past and the present..Recent events this last summer triggered all these memories and feelings.
I find myself haunted by them. I really don't know if cbt can or will help with this type of grief and sadness..
I do this with the self isolating and the anxiousness too..So I didn't get out for a walk yesterday like I wanted to do but I did get out for a walk this morning. So that is a positive. Now what to do with the rest of the day..It has been in the high 90's and will be in the low 100's tomorrow so I will be trapped in the house for the rest of the day again..
So for now I will work on getting outside in the early morning hours..
Gosh, I wish I did get out. I spent the whole day staring outside willing myself to go out. I actually wanted to but I just wasn't able to climb over that invisible barrier that holds me back. Instead I came up with excuses - it's too cold (only 5C yesterday), I need to clean the house, I have a letter to write, I have the CBT homework to complete, etc, etc, etc.
Self isolating is a big problem when I get depressed and it seemed worse than it's been this weekend for a while. I am really anxious too - and anxious that my state of depression will worsen. I am really battling the negative automatic thoughts.
