Please don't be so hard on yourself. I think you made a very smart decision. You MUST take care of your health first and foremost. There is nothing to be ashamed of at all. What would you tell a friend who was in the same situation? I have a feeling you would give your friend much more compassion then you are giving yourself. Learning to be kind and compassionate with yourself may be an important treatment goal for you.
I also think the intensive CBT program sounds fantastic. Tackling depression with trauma requires specified treatment and you are going to be receiving just that. This might be what you needed all along. I am excited for you.
Please take this time to rest and heal. Keep us updated on how you are doing.
The last 72 hrs have seen a major change. In July I was reassigned to a new work site. It resulted in fewer hours and lower pay. In addition to the worry about the loss of income the combination of personnel, work routine, and building environment has triggered my Depression and Anxiety. I am Depressed I can't cope and the Anxiety leaves me making myself sick. Three days ago I saw my psychiatrist. As per his instruction I have asked for immediate leave from work, had to face the wrath of my employers and have an application in for provincial disability (I was on it in the past for 2 years). I FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE LOSER. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LET MY FAMILY DOWN. I AM EMBARRASSED. At the same time I worry about making ends meet. The only good news in all this is that my doctor has referred me to an intensive CBT program specifically for those with trauma issues. Now the waiting begins.
