Hi, I am a mother of 3 adult children, an educator and have struggled with depression for most of the past 20 years. More recently anxiety has become part of the picture. I take medication, but last year I went off it (again!), began a new teaching assignment and crashed at work by October. This year while remaining on it and returning to my "familiar" work, I was having the BEST year ever! I was never going to retire! I loved my collegues and students. However, with the onset of report period and reflection on what difference I was making, I found myself falling to negative self talk, indecision over programming and daily work decisions and eventually balled up on my administrators office floor, crying and claiming to not being able to do my job. I was going to retire! I couldn't keep doing this - leaving my collegues high and dry! (I have a support role in our school) No matter how much I do and how much others tell me I am doing a great job, after 31 years I still feel as if I am lazy, not doing enough and have no idea what I am doing. In addition, I feel as if I am "tricking" everyone and I am going to be "busted" soon and everyone will know what a terrible job I am REALLY doing! So 1 week later (as apposed to 4 months later last year) I am now planning to return to work. (retirement is so close! I am eligible but financially it makes sense to push through another 1 1/2 years at least. I came across this website from material we were given by our employer, so I am giving it a go! I like the idea of just picking an activity for pleasure and doing it as an experiment! I usually find a reason not to do things that are fun! (money, tired, my husband is tired or doesn't want to, it won't be fun anyway, or I just plain don't want to! ) Staying home just spirals me down deeper in a pit! I KNOW that God is with me and I am not alone and that all things are possible with Christ, so I am trusting in His promises. I hope by sharing I can encourage others, but also receive some different ideas to consider in this battle of the mind that paralyzes me so! Thanks for reading/ listening!
